Midlife guide to... Post-poo Drops

So, I’m not sure how to broach this, but I’ve just noticed something untoward in your bathroom.

The liquorice and thyme body scrub?

No… there’s a brown dropper bottle containing some “Post-poo Drops”…

Oh, that! Yes. Isn’t it delightful?

I’m not sure yet. Is it some kind of medicinal tincture, a dilute-two-drops-inwater thing?

Gosh, no, you don’t drink the stuff. It’s to make the smallest room smell of crisp citrus peel and rich floral elements after you’ve made it smell of… well…

Yes, yes, I get the idea. And, frankly, it appalls me, as does the very name.

Why so?

Because, ahem, the p-word should never be a talking point in polite society.

I could always use the French description on the bottle? We can call them Gouttes Anti-odeur de Merde.

Non, merci.

No matter: these drops were purchased at Liberty, the ultimate polite-society department store. And they’re made by Aesop, the Australian skin care brand. Nothing vulgar at all about them. Anyway, according to Liberty, Post-poo Drops make a great gift.

Really? And how much are we talking?

Oh, just £20 a bottle.

So a mere £18 more than Febreze.

I was feeling flush…