MODERN LIFE SHANE WATSON
Oh dear. We thought we were doing so well, what with refusing to call ourselves middle-aged, and wearing the same brand of jeans as some hip young thing, and going on holidays with the almost-grown-up children. And, then, we get the news that millennials aren’t interested in getting drunk because that’s what their saddo parents do, and they want to put some distance between Them and Us. Ouch. That’s a bit of shock.
Or, then again, is it? Lately, we have been increasingly aware of the younger generation’s low-level disapproval. There is a creeping suspicion that you’re not just embarrassing them in the time-honoured tradition of parents, by cramping their style, but by not being serious enough about a whole range of issues, including recycling and transgender loos. They have this new way of making us feel that we’re letting everyone down, mainly ourselves. For example:
Being “loud” (their word)
In midlife circles, it is well known that it’s the height of fun to get rowdy with friends, crank up the music, spontaneously cut each other’s hair, and make up dance moves that everyone has to copy. But the youth are so censorious the morning after. They want to know how you got the Moomin off the conservatory roof in the dark (with a rake), and if you realise how dangerous that was. They say things like: “You were singing (Say it Ain’t so Jo,
Murray Head, obviously), and you didn’t even hear us come in.” And your point is? Honestly. Fun police!
Smoking
Our particular youth are OK about the filthy habit, since they have all indulged at one time or another, but a lot of the young have a clear division in their heads between decent people and smokers. You smoke in front of a large percentage of modern teenagers, and you are basically the devil. Smoking is the mark (I’m not exaggerating) of the sort of low-life who might kick a quokka, aka “the happiest animal in the world”. It may come to pass that a jury of these grown-up kids will one day take smoking as an automatic sign of moral degeneracy.
Recycling
Currently, we operate a two-tier rubbish system: we recycle when we can, and automatically when
They are present. Similarly, we religiously recycle the Nespresso capsules, in the green bag, but, sometimes, faced with the prospect of a special trip to the designated drop point, we have been known to crack and stuff them in the bin, where They always find them. And then we get a lecture.
Cultural appropriation
We get this but, honestly, the young are beyond twitchy. They would cringe if we wore a sombrero (we’ve actually got a picture of us wearing sombreros on the front of a Tequila bottle, in Mexico, and they didn’t object when it was taken five years ago, but hey ho). We have to hide the (sustainably sourced) zebra skin when the vegan comes around, and that’s only partly because they are vegan. (Shadowy colonial vibes?) It’s got to the point where I feel a bit uncertain about serving curry, wonder about the tartan throw (disrespectful?) and have questioned whether listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival is subliminally racist? (The Cohen brothers used loads of it in The Big Lebowski so… fingers crossed).
Saying things they find embarrassing
Which is anything that qualifies as un-pc in their book. For example: “That is so French!”, “Phwoar, he’s sexy”, and “You da bomb”. (They hate you doing accents of any sort, regional included.) Come to think of it, the gaps between them hissing: “You can’t say that!” are getting shorter by the day. It’s exhausting.
Midlife shame
We think we’re having fun but to the millennials we are just mortifying ‘It’s got to the point where I feel a bit uncertain about serving curry, and wonder about the tartan throw’