Midlife guide to...

Mcveganism

Q. Hello, Ronald, can I have one of your finest Big Macs, please?

A. Would you like to try our Mcvegan burger instead? Available for a limited time only…

Q. Urgh, what fresh (and griddle-fried) hell is this?

A. The Mcvegan consists of a “soy-based patty” with tomato, salad, pickles and Mcfeast sauce, in a bun.

Q. And who ever put Morrissey in charge of Mcdonald’s menus?

A. Well, needs must. The number of vegans in the UK has risen to 542,000, with 42 per cent of those aged between 15 and 34.

Q. But why on earth would a vegan venture into a Mcdonald’s?

A. The chain prides itself on adapting with the times and appealing to all, even if it means pandering to the dietary requirements of dairy-dodgers and the clean-eating brigade. Q. So what other treats are in store? A. Let’s just say earlier this year, unsuspecting diners in Norway were treated to the Veggie Mcspice burger (red kidney bean patty, spicy cumin, cayenne pepper seasoning). Q. Sounds awful. Now how about that Mcvegan? A. Unfortunately, the delicious snack is only being trialled in Finnish restaurants. Q: I’m not loving it.

Richard Jones