May, regardless of any eventuality, may or may not be any clearer. Clear?

Slow, isn’t it? The EU referendum took place 16 months ago, but it feels like 16 years. I shouldn’t complain: obviously these negotiations are monumentally complex. But progress has been so sluggish, so drainingly effortful. Week by week, we inch forward. In fact, no: inching is an exaggeration. Compared with what’s been achieved so far, an inch would represent a dramatic advance. We aren’t inching. We’re millimetring.

Yesterday Theresa May was in Brussels, concluding her umpteenth attempt to get Brexit going. Afterwards she held a press conference. Dear reader, I will not lie: she didn’t say anything unexpected. Instead she fell back on her favourite catchphrase. That is, of course, “I’m very clear”: the line she uses when she’s being anything but. Were we heading towards “no deal”?

“I’ve been clear that we’re working for a good deal.” Had she told EU leaders that she was willing to hand over more money? “What I’ve made clear is that nobody need be concerned for the current budget plan.” Could she end up giving the EU €60 billion (£53.8 billion)? “I’ve been very clear where we are in relation to the financial settlement.”

For someone who sets such store by being clear, the Prime Minister can be remarkably hard to follow. Here, word for word, are her thoughts on leaving the EU without a deal. “As I have said, and others have said, consistently, it would be irresponsible for the British Government not to look across at the changes that would be necessary regardless of the eventuality, and indeed some of the changes that would be necessary in the event of a no deal would be the same as changes that would be made in relation to us achieving a deal.”

So there you have it. The Government is looking across at the changes that would be necessary regardless of the eventuality. That’s almost as articulate as the masterpiece of concision she produced in the Commons two weeks ago, when asked whether new EU laws would apply in Britain during the so-called transition period. In full (and I promise this isn’t a spoof ): “Given the way that things operate, it is highly unlikely that anything will be brought forward during that period that has not already started discussions through the European Union to which we are being party of until we leave and on which we would have been able to say whether they would be a rule that we would sign up to or a rule that we would not wish to sign up to.”

Now I come to think about it: maybe this is why the talks are going so slowly. It’s because the EU simply can’t understand a word Mrs May is saying.

Yesterday’s press conference lasted just 10 minutes. After giving her final answer, Mrs May muttered her thanks and practically bolted from the lectern.

See, she can move fast when she wants to.