Parliament should remember the lessons of Noel Edmonds: Deal, or No Deal

‘Numerous Tory colleagues fear that the Chancellor does not share their faith in positive thinking’

About 10 years ago, the TV presenter Noel Edmonds made a remarkable claim. After falling out with the BBC and breaking up with his wife, Mr Edmonds had been deep in gloom. But then he made a discovery that turned his fortunes around. It was called “Cosmic Ordering”.

Cosmic Ordering, Mr Edmonds explained, was a system advanced by an author of self-help books named Bärbel Mohr. It was wonderfully straightforward.

All you had to do was tell “the cosmos” what you wanted from life… and the cosmos would magically deliver it. Simple as that. Mere months after Mr Edmonds informed the cosmos of his wishes, he said, it granted him both a hit new game show and a house in the south of France. At the time, I’m sorry to say, Mr Edmonds’s claim was widely mocked, but today, it seems, Cosmic Ordering is enjoying a renaissance – at least among Tory MPS.

A striking number of them appear to believe, with tremendous conviction, that economic success can be achieved purely through the power of positive thought.

A leading believer spoke up yesterday, at Treasury Questions.

“Does the Chancellor share my frustration,” asked Peter Bone (Con, Wellingborough), “that since the EU referendum a number of senior politicians have been talking down the economy? Shouldn’t they be talking it up?”

The Speaker of the Commons is a stickler for brevity, so unfortunately Mr Bone was given no time to explain how exactly one goes about “talking up” the economy, or how doing so secures growth. Perhaps on Budget day Philip Hammond has merely to rise, announce that Britain is sailing into a future of cloudless economic glory, and then wait for the numbers to take care of themselves. Or perhaps,

to make absolutely sure of success, a group effort is required, with MPS from all parties joining hands and chanting the magical incantation: “Consecutive quarters of three per cent growth!

“Consecutive quarters of three per cent growth!”

Regrettably, however, it is all too easy to picture Mr Hammond turning up his nose at such an enterprise, no matter how vital to the national interest. Numerous Tory colleagues fear that the Chancellor does not share their faith in positive thinking, and would prefer him to be replaced by someone who does.

Mr Hammond’s reply to Mr Bone was characteristic. While he conceded that the economy was “fundamentally strong”, he couldn’t resist dampening the mood by suggesting that for some reason it faced “short-term uncertainty”. This was surely not the vision of unblemished triumph Mr Bone was looking for. Rumour has it that several positive thinkers have their eyes on Mr Hammond’s job – among them Andrea Leadsom, who, during her unsuccessful leadership campaign, urged her party to “Banish the pessimists”.

Personally, though, I would appoint the most positive thinker of all.

Once Chancellor Noel Edmonds has instructed the cosmos to deliver a tip-top EU trade deal, economic success will be assured.