‘It’s lonely being a politician’s wife – there has to be an enormous amount of trust’
Suzy Gale wife of MP Roger Gale
For every marriage, but particularly those in politics, there has to be an enormous amount of trust. Trust that your other half isn’t messing about behind your back, and trust that they are being truthful about where they are when they’re not with you, which, given the demands of the job, can be an awful lot of the time.
It can be terribly lonely being married to a politician, especially if they are always up in London while you are at home elsewhere. I’m lucky in that respect. Roger and I have worked together for over 30 years and have always trusted each other implicitly. We speak on the phone probably half a dozen times a day and we email each other constantly. I trust him and I know he trusts me.
But I also know that when things do go wrong, and you find yourself having to deal with the fallout on your own at home, it can be very difficult. It’s why I think people need to be more conscientious about making allegations like the ones thrown around this week. People seldom take into account that their accusations have ramifications not just for the person they are accusing, but for their family too. When it was alleged yesterday that Damian Green had made inappropriate advances towards a Tory activist, saying his “wife was very understanding”, I was surprised he was allowed to be named and shamed just like that.
Of course, assault or harassment mustn’t go unreported. If there has been an assault in or outside the House involving a politician then my God yes, hit them with everything you’ve got. But to create such a fever pitch around a pat on the knee or a foolish comment seems frankly ludicrous.
Every woman has one of these dreadful stories, and I know full well how awful it is when it happens to you, as it did in the late Seventies. Alan Clark – who was notorious for this sort of thing – groped me at a Conservative cricket match at the Hurlingham Club. I was traumatised at the time, but I dealt with it and moved on. He was an absolute horror and renowned for that sort of behaviour.
I do think we’ve become hysterical about these things, and I’m not sure how helpful that is, least of all for those who have been attacked, harassed or bullied. Last year, Roger and I were unexpectedly caught up in a ridiculous row after he referred to myself and the women in our constituency office as “the girls” – something many seemed to take offence at on our behalf.
What’s needed more than ever is a good dose of perspective. Of course sometimes terrible things happen and the perpetrators must be exposed. But to tarnish someone’s name over an unsubstantiated and relatively minor accusation seems terribly unfair – if not just for them but for their family.