Hammond’s jokes

Plenty of cheers but no booze

On trying to avoid a repeat of May’s coughingfit-filled conference speech disaster: “I did take the precaution of asking my right honourable friend to bring a packet of cough sweets just in case.” (May obligingly passed him a box of lozenges). On driverless

cars: “I know that Jeremy Clarkson doesn’t like them; sorry, Jeremy, but definitely not the first time you’ve been snubbed by Hammond and May.”

On chancellors being allowed to drink alcohol during their Budget speech: “Mr Deputy Speaker, I’m being tempted with something a little more exotic here but I’m going to stick to plain water.”

Announcing a duty freeze on alcohol: “Merry Christmas, Mr Deputy Speaker!”

On the former Scottish Labour leader’s appearance on the ITV show

I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of

Here!: “There’ll be plenty of others joining Kezia Dugdale in saying, ‘I’m Labour, get me out of here’.” On more funding for maths teachers: “More maths for everyone... don’t say I don’t know how to show the nation a good time.”