Schoolboy excuses are not enough, Mr Davis

David Davis and the mystery of the missing homework: the story so far.

Dec 14, 2016: Mr Davis, the Brexit Secretary, tells MPS he’s “in the midst of carrying out about 57 sets of analysis” on the impact of Brexit on different sectors of the economy.

June 25, 2017: Mr Davis tells the BBC: “We’ve got 50, nearly 60 sectoral analyses already done.”

Oct 26, 2017: Mr Davis tells MPS that these analyses offer “excruciating detail”.

Nov 1, 2017: MPS vote for Mr Davis to hand over the analyses, so they can be examined by the Brexit select committee. In response, Mr Davis says that, “as we have made clear”, it is “not the case” that these analyses “exist”. He does, he says, have “a range of documents”, but MPS will need to give him “time” to “bring together this information in a way that is accessible”.

So, to recap: Mr Davis both has and hasn’t produced almost 60 reports, and each one is simultaneously detailed, sketchy, and non-existent.

Welcome to Schrödinger’s Government.

On Monday, a tranche of documents was finally delivered to the Brexit select committee. They were, however, heavily redacted. Yesterday, Sir Keir Starmer, the shadow Brexit secretary, demanded that Mr Davis come to the Commons to explain himself. Yet, to outcry from Labour (“WHERE IS HE?”), he didn’t appear. Instead Robin Walker, an anxiouslooking young squirrel of a junior minister, was sent to speak on his boss’s behalf.

“We were clear from the start that the documents did not exist in the form requested,” piped Mr Walker, gamely. “Indeed, there has been some misunderstanding about what the sectoral analysis actually is…”

If any schoolboys were watching, they’ll have picked up some useful tips.

“Jenkins! Where is your book report? It was due in last Friday. You have read the book, haven’t you?”

“As I have made clear from the start, Sir, my report does not exist in the form requested. I have conducted a wide range of analysis of the blurb on the back of the book, and the author’s Wikipedia page, but it will take time to collate and bring together this information in a way that is accessible.”

The Commons was beginning to boil. The Government, snapped Sir Keir, lacked “transparency and accountability”. But it wasn’t only Remainers who complained. Jacob Rees-mogg (Con, N Somerset) and Philip Hollobone (Con, Kettering) – both Brexiteers – said that if the Government hadn’t wanted to hand over the information in full, it should have amended the motion requiring this. It hadn’t.

A succession of MPS asked John Bercow, the Speaker, whether Mr Davis was guilty of contempt of Parliament. Mr Bercow turned to Mr Walker, and told him to clear Mr Davis’s diary: he would be questioned by the select committee “very soon indeed”.

It sounds as though Mr Davis will need to do some serious prep. I hope the dog doesn’t eat it.