Last night on television Michael Hogan Call the Midwife delivered but Doctor Who was dreary
Actress Anita Dobson has a habit of playing gutpunch roles in Christmas Day BBC dramas. As Eastenders pub landlady Angie Watts in 1986, she was handed divorce papers by sneering husband Dirty Den for her Christmas present, watched by a still unsurpassed 30 million viewers.
Thirty-one years later, she gueststarred in Call the Midwife (BBC One) as it returned for its now-traditional festive dose of nostalgia, community spirit and unabashed sentimentality. This time, Dobson’s husband wasn’t divorcing her. He was dying and leaving a legacy of ruined lives.
Boxing Day 1962 saw a blizzard that covered the country in a thick blanket of snow. The white stuff brought havoc to the roads of fictional Poplar as it did in real-life Britain.
Salt-of-the-earth nurse Valerie (promising newcomer Jennifer Kirby) delivered a premature baby boy in a caravan. He seemed to be stillborn until a hot water bottle unexpectedly brought him back from the brink. It was, of course, a Christmas miracle.
Elsewhere, the weather claimed the life of a local old-timer and when Sister Julienne (the mighty Jenny Agutter) went to inform his family, she uncovered a tragic tale of abuse – both of his wife Mabel (affectingly portrayed by Dobson) and runaway daughter Anthea (the excellent Rebecca Callard).
There was still time for an uplifting finish: feisty Phyllis (Linda Bassett) led her cub scout troop to save the day by rescuing Poplar’s milk supply; Mabel was reunited with Anthea; and the midwives put on a panto, complete with dame, cow and cherubic children. Narrator Vanessa Redgrave’s closing message (“Hold each other close, keep each other safe”) would have had viewers looking around at their loved ones with wobbly lips.
There wasn’t a dry eye in Nonnatus House, nor I’ll wager in living rooms nationwide. Arrivals, departures, reconciliations and a rousing climax – now that’s what a Christmas special is supposed to deliver.
It wasn’t so much Doctor Who (BBC One) as Doctor What-is-going-on? One of Christmas’s most eagerly awaited programmes turned into a turkey: overcooked, disappointing and destined to be chewed over for days.
This seasonal special, titled Twice Upon a Time, saw the Twelfth Doctor (Peter Capaldi) meeting his original self, the First Doctor (David Bradley, doing a magical tribute to the late William Hartnell) in an Antarctic snowscape. Cue an unholy mess involving frozen time, a First World War army captain (Mark Gatiss), memory-stealing glass avatars and a comeback of sorts for companion Bill Potts (Pearl Mackie).
It even threw in a gratuitous Dalek and a random swear-word for no apparent reason, before disappearing up its own space-time continuum. At least after an hour of confused plotting, Capaldi regenerated into the Thirteenth Doctor, Jodie Whittaker, to offer us some respite.
The Christmas special should be a chance for generations to sit down together, stuffed with seasonal cheer. While their grandparents nod off in armchairs, children get to enjoy this precious 54-year-old institution.
However, any Who newcomers or casual viewers expecting an escapist adventure would have been left scratching their heads in bafflement. It was self-indulgent, overcomplicated and, most unforgivably, frequently boring. Heavy on stagy dialogue and light on action, the narrative got mired in its own mythology, too busy making knowingly nerdy references to construct a coherent adventure. Ultimately, even the hero admitted there wasn’t a villain.
As the outgoing episode not just for Capaldi but also Mackie and showrunner Steven Moffat – not to mention a Christmas special climaxing in a landmark gender change for the lead character – this episode left itself with a lot to do. Perhaps trying to fulfil too many functions is why it got so confused and fell as flat as a trodden-on sprout.
It wasn’t without its pleasures: the bickering interplay between the two Time Lords had snap and wit, with a smart running gag about the Sixties incarnation saying un-pc things. The wartime trenches were poignantly evoked and the regeneration scene was shiver-inducingly thrilling.
Frustratingly, it wasn’t enough. At the end of the Moffat-steered era, the wheels came off this venerable vehicle. Let’s hope that Whittaker and new head honcho Chris Chibnall can steer it back on course.
Call the Midwife Doctor Who