Harry de Quetteville:

Take it from a Norman descendant, the loan of the Bayeux Tapestry is not as bountiful as it appears

Learning about the Norman Conquest, as a de Quetteville, is an odd thing. I still remember classmates mourning as they pored over that famous Bayeux Tapestry scene in which Harold Godwinson tries to extract the arrow from his eye. England is defeated, my chums saw all too clearly. The French invaders triumph.

My name – literally “Of Quetteville”, a hamlet of some 375 souls in Calvados, Normandy – proclaimed even then that I am one of those invaders. So I had a different perspective on the Bayeux Tapestry. And amid the general rejoicing and whooping of delight at the tapestry’s loan by President Emmanuel Macron, I see things differently again.

On most Brits, the effect of the gift has been immediate and powerful. As Tom Tugendhat, Chair of the Foreign Affairs Select Committee, rushed to prostrate himself, announcing that “this is huge, an extraordinary diplomatic outreach by the president of France, a fantastic gesture of goodwill”, I raised a suspicious eyebrow. As he gushed that “this is going to be our closest and most important relationship going forward”, I spluttered a little.

And as we now fall over ourselves to remember the Entente Cordiale, grow misty eyed at our joint sacrifices on the 20th century battlefield, and instantly consider giving way to French financial demands over the Le Touquet accord, I sceptically rub my chin. Honestly, what a bunch of suckers we are.

What kind of goodwill gesture is this – possibly the world’s most celebrated record of the subjugation of this island by an invading French army? It’s as if we were to ensure that the first trains arriving from Paris on the Eurostar service linking our two great nations (cue more misty eyes) arrived at a station called Waterloo!

Well, of course we did. And the French did not welcome it. They did not say thank you for this amazing goodwill gesture that reminds each and every passenger from Gaul of the biggest military reverse inflicted upon their nation by Britain. No. They complained long and hard about it.

I will tell you what is happening here. We are being seduced by a master of the art. Emmanuel Macron is possibly the most sophisticated emotional manipulator on the global political stage today. This is a man who can wrap French unions and President Trump around his little finger; who turned his presidential campaign into a sell-out rock band-style tour; who began his career charming one and all at a grey, gritty outpost of the French civil service called the Inspection des Finances.

Do long-ago Bank of England employees still rhapsodise about how young Theresa May was the apple of everyone’s eye, remembering every birthday and getting away with murder because she was just so thoughtful, took such an interest? They do not. They do about Macron at the Inspection.

So do not rejoice. Beware! The man is a political and diplomatic Casanova, always ready with a compliment, always looking you straight in the eye as he whispers sweet nothings, but always – always – putting his own interests first.

If Monsieur Macron was our undying friend and ally, his troops would not be the hardest and toughest in the Brexit negotiating room, which leak after leak suggests they are. Instead, they would seek to be more accommodating. But that’s not the French interest. So it’s not going to happen.

Fine, but let us be equally steely in our own appraisal of the national interest. It may seem as if he holds all the cards but Monsieur Macron needs our help. He needs the intelligence provided by our security services to prevent terror attacks, and above all he needs our money and even our military support to prop up his “Sahel force” in Sub-saharan Africa. Because if you think immigration is a big issue here, take a look across the Channel. Stemming the flow of those migrants at source is a priority for the French leader.

Mr Tugendhat is right about one thing. “This is a real demonstration of how diplomacy is done.” Well, yes. It shows that the best way of getting what you want is to smile, offer a present, and make your opposite number give way. Don’t fall for it. At least Harold put up a fight!