If scientists grew a politician in a lab, Macron is what it would look like
Does Theresa May trust Emmanuel Macron? You could understand it if she didn’t. There’s something unnerving about the way he looks: something unreal. That face, with its immaculate, strong-jawed, Ken-doll handsomeness. That skin, with its smooth, nonchalant, Plasticine sheen. That smile: teeth bright, but eyes cold. If scientists were to grow a politician in a lab, this is what it would look like.
Yesterday the French president flew in for a Uk-france summit. First, the two leaders had lunch at a Michelinstarred pub in Maidenhead, the Prime Minister’s constituency. Monsieur Macron tweeted a video of them meeting the pub’s staff. Breezy, talkative and beaming with bonhomie, Monsieur Macron looked like the host, and Mrs May, hovering hesitantly behind him, the guest. After lunch the pair headed to Sandhurst for talks, followed by a press conference. Mrs May opened by reading out a couple of lines of French from a piece of paper on her lectern. “Président Macron, je suis très heureux de vous accueillir aujourd’hui pour votre première visite au Roym, er, Royaume-uni,” she said, a little uncertainly, and not attempting any accent. Monsieur Macron gave an encouraging smile, as if a small child had just presented him with a painting she’d done of him at school.
Returning to English, Mrs May then made a statement summarising the afternoon’s talks. It was delivered in her usual stolid monotone, until she reached the confirmation that France would be lending Britain the Bayeux Tapestry. As a rule, Mrs May is not, to put it mildly, the most emotional of speakers, but here, for a moment, she almost blushed with pride.
On to the questions. Mrs May defended the new border deal with an intriguing turn of phrase. “We need to work together upstream,” she said, twice. (I thought it was migrants who were trying to get in, not salmon.) Monsieur Macron, who is fluent in English, gave all his answers in French.
A reporter from ITV asked whether he thought British prime ministers would be less influential after Brexit. “It is not for me to assess the influence of one prime minister or another, or to read into the future,” replied Monsieur Macron, answering by not answering. Still, he went on, Britain and France would still have an important relationship. “Somehow,” he concluded, with a nod to his little gift, “we are working on a new tapestry together.” Hmm. This time, we hope, not a tapestry that shows the French invading and killing us.
On trade, though, the president got punchy. If Britain wanted the same access to the single market as it had now, he said curtly, “be my guest” – but it would have to pay good money for the privilege, and accept free movement. Take it or leave it. No compromise.
Interestingly, he said “be my guest” in English. Maybe that’s why he said everything else in French: he knew which line he wanted to hit home.