Dos and (please) don’ts
Mother-of-the-bride’s rules for the big day
On a day when we ought to be feeling mildly celebratory about the new royal engagement of Princess Eugenie and her beau Jack Brooksbank, it’s the renegade mother of the bride-to-be who has been hogging the headlines. After posting a flurry of photographs, over-the-top tweets and bizarrely gushing observations about harmony, joy, destiny and how laughter and love can overcome Newtonian mechanics, the Duchess of York, Fergie to you and me, seems to have been silenced.
If he weren’t 96 years of age, the finger of blame would surely be pointed at her arch enemy, the Duke of Edinburgh, whose dislike of her is legendary. So we can only assume it was Prince Andrew who forcefully intervened (aka confiscated Fergie’s smartphone) in order to spare The Firm (not to mention their daughter’s) blushes and possibly her own.
She may be 58, but Sarah Ferguson’s USP has always been refreshing openness verging on schoolgirl naivety: likeable, blundering, with few airs but unfortunately even fewer graces. No matter how discreetly she engages in mischief, she always get caught out.
Thanks to her daughter’s forthcoming marriage, the eyes of the world will once again be upon her. Play it right and she could ingratiate
herself with a whole new generation. However, on past form (whether that is in the past 20 years or just the past 24 hours), there are hints that she could morph into the mother and motherin-law of all embarrassments. So, as a mother of two daughters myself, I have compiled a checklist of Dos, Don’ts and No, Really Please Don’ts for Fergie and mothers of the brides everywhere. Have boundaries
Fergie has already described her 30-year-old soon-to-be son-in-law, as her “son, brother and best friend”. What on earth is all that about? Quite apart from the fact we all thought her ex, Andrew, was her best friend, it sounds weird and needy to be quite so extravagantly invested in your daughter’s fiancé. For any other mothers wanting to be their daughter’s closest friend (see too Kate from The Archers), have you considered a puppy?
Give them space
Do not try to gatecrash your daughter’s hen week or honeymoon. In Fergie’s case, we know how much she and her ex appreciate a cheeky holiday – a passion that has apparently been passed down to their two daughters, who have taken the family trait to a whole new level. However, just because you like to feel you’re one of the gang, one of the girls, here’s the thing: you’re not. When you hit the dance floor, your children are not thinking “Wow, my mum is so cool”, they are thinking “I will never mum-dance like that in front of my children”. Keep out of their way and out of their pictures or your contribution to the wedding arrangements will be complying with the restraining order.
Remember, this is ~their wedding, not your opportunity
Mother of the bride may be a well-worn trope – but it doesn’t have to be an unseemly display of pushing yourself to the front of proceedings. On no account be tempted into trying to make this all about you. OK, Eugenie’s will be the second most prestigious nuptials to take place in St George’s Chapel, Windsor, this year, but that doesn’t give the woman who birthed her anything but nominal boasting rights.
As a divorced mother of the bride, a plus one should be seen as a bonus, not an expectation. Then again, if you are Fergie and your alleged best friend/son/brother is marrying your daughter, who to bring? A therapist, probably.
Look lovely, but never thinner than the bride
Since heading to the US and reinventing herself as a loose cannon ex-royal, Fergie has made a ton and lost a ton, or rather made a ton by losing a ton through Weight Watchers. On her Duchess Discoveries website, she is selling all the kit for a “liquid nutrition weight-loss programme” and we’re all jolly pleased for her. Really.
But no bride starving herself into a Vera Wang or an Alice Temperley wants to see her middle-aged mother passive-aggressively upstaging her with a beach body.
Mother-daughter dynamics can be fraught at the best of times; the sight of Mummy’s jutting hip bones would be enough to turn Anne of Green Gables into Bridezilla.
Try not to overshare
This is Fergie’s forte, whether in her autobiography, Finding Sarah: A
Duchess’s Journey to Find Herself, on screen with Piers Morgan or being hypnotised on Oprah, when she revealed she wished she had never divorced her prince, Sarah Ferguson does personal confession terribly well. But when it comes to weddings, she, like every other mother of the bride, needs to fall in line.
Nobody wants to hear about a mother’s journey (literal or metaphorical) because the attention will be focused on your daughter. Under no circumstances tweet while high on emotion, drunk with happiness or in any other altered state. It will be seen as slushy, sentimental and toe-curlingly mawkish. In short: awfully American. Instead, adhere to the buttoned-up pomp and circumstance of tradition.
This is your opportunity to shine, Fergie, but on this occasion it’s very much in the reflected glory of Princess Eugenie. This is her moment, all you need to do is wear a hat, smile and enjoy the happiest of days. Just how hard can that be? I suspect we shall soon find out.
Just because you like to feel you’re one of the gang, here’s the thing: you’re not