There’s votes in them there students, Mrs May...

Whose idea was this? Theresa May’s? Her advisers’? Or did they dream it up together? And if so – what on earth was their brainstorming session like?

Adviser 1: “The analysis from the election is clear, Prime Minister. The voters you need to win back are those in their 30s and 40s.”

Adviser 2: “Therefore, we recommend you ignore them, and focus instead on 18-year-old students.”

Adviser 1: “That’s right. An age group that will always be far more Left-wing than any other, and wouldn’t vote Tory if you paid them.”

Adviser 2: “Not that you are going to pay them, obviously. Instead, you’re going to give a big speech saying Jeremy Corbyn is right. Tuition fees – which were raised to their current heights by a Tory-led government of which you were a senior member – are a massive rip-off.”

Adviser 1: “You could even say, for example, ‘We now have one of the most expensive systems of university tuition in the world.’ Don’t worry, I’m sure Labour won’t use that quote in every video and leaflet for the next four years.”

Adviser 2: “So, you say that. Then you unveil your bold and radical solution.” Adviser 1: “Which is... a review.” Theresa May: “A review! Marvellous. I love announcing reviews. Emphasises my decisive leadership style.” Adviser 2: “Precisely. So, the panel will go away for ages, think jolly hard, and then conclude that, all things considered, tuition fees are a bit on the pricey side. At which point, you unveil your dazzling new offer to students.” Adviser 1: “Which is... a slight discount.”

Adviser 2: “Exactly. A slight discount. Now young voters will have a real choice. Either vote Labour, and get a degree completely free of charge... or vote Tory, and still pay lots of money, just a bit less than now.”

Adviser 1: “It’s electoral catnip. You’ll be raking in votes from all those millions of 18-year-olds who think that while £9,000 a year is too much to pay, £0 a year is too little.”

Theresa May: “Hang on. Couldn’t I argue that actually it’s fair to have high tuition fees, because graduates earn far more than non-graduates?” Adviser 2: “Mention it if you like, but just quietly, in passing. Then go back to capitulating to Corbyn. Here’s a draft of your speech. You’ll be giving it at a college in Derby.”

Theresa May: “Derby?”

Adviser 2: “I think it’s up north somewhere.”

Adviser 1: “Don’t panic – we’ll book it for half-term. Obviously you wouldn’t want any students present for your speech aimed at students. We’ll make sure your audience consists entirely of journalists and the elderly.”

Theresa May: “Thanks, team. This review is just the sort of game-changer my MPS have been crying out for.” Adviser 2: “Indeed, Prime Minister. We’ll set it up straight away. The panel should be ready to report their findings just in time for a new government to come in and reject them.”