So, the big prize is to stay in the EU for a bit longer, but on worse terms

Improbable though it may seem to future historians, there was once a time when Tory MPS appeared to be united over Brexit. It occurred just after Theresa May became Prime Minister. While Labour MPS were furiously failing to oust their own leader over his insufficient enthusiasm for the EU, Tories looked contented and confident. The future spread out before them, blissfully resplendent, like a cricket pitch in the summer sun.

Now look at them.

“This deal is unacceptable!” snapped John Redwood (Con, Wokingham). “Will the Government just get on with it!”

“I feel very badly let down,” harrumphed John Lamont (Con, Berwickshire, Roxburgh & Selkirk).

“There’s no way I can sell this deal as anything like a success,” scowled Douglas Ross (Con, Moray). The worst of it was they couldn’t even shout at a Remainer. The man they were ranting at was Michael Gove: the former head of Vote Leave. As the Environment Secretary, it fell to him to placate MPS incensed by what they saw as the betrayal of British fishermen in the Brexit “implementation” deal.

Mr Gove’s manner was apologetic, at times mildly grovelling. The Government, he conceded, had “accepted a sub-optimal outcome”. They had “pressed hard” for a better one, and were “disappointed that the EU were not willing to move”. Not a line that inspires tremendous confidence for the trade talks to come.

Look, guys, we did our best – but they’re bigger than us. It’s 27 against one. They were always going to have the upper hand. Didn’t I make that clear during the campaign?

Jacob Rees-mogg (Con, NE Somerset) was not amused. “I ask my right honourable friend,” he sniffed with regal hauteur: “what did we get in return?” At last a chance for Mr Gove to save face. “The big prize we have secured,” he declared proudly, “is an implementation period that allows us to prepare for all the benefits that Brexit will bring.” The Commons considered this boast in puzzled silence. So the big prize was… effectively to stay in the EU for an extra 21 months, but on worse terms.

A curious sort of victory. And come to think of it: hadn’t the Government asked for an extra 24 months, not 21?

“It’s just as well the implementation period is shorter than was sought, isn’t it?” snorted Sir Desmond Swayne (Con, New Forest West). Mr Gove said Sir Desmond “sums up my thoughts”. Now MPS looked even more confused. So on one hand, the implementation period was the “big prize” that was worth selling out our fishermen for; but on the other hand, it was a damned nuisance, so thank goodness it would be over as soon as possible.

Albeit only because the EU wouldn’t let us have the longer one we asked for.

Then again, 21 months is still a pretty long time. That’s how long ago the referendum was. It feels like years.