Film choice

Under Siege (1992) CHANNEL 5, 10.00PM ★★★

 A gang of terrorists led by a disaffected CIA man (Tommy Lee Jones) hijacks a US battleship, planning to steal its nuclear missiles and hand them over to North Korea. Everything goes to plan until they are thwarted by Casey Ryback (Steven Seagal), who displays a frankly alarming level of martial-arts prowess for a ship’s cook. An enjoyable, if ridiculous, thriller directed by Andrew Davis (The Fugitive). Dancer in the Dark (2000) LONDON LIVE, 10.15PM ★★★

 Danish provocative auteur Lars Von Trier serves up a Hollywood-style musical with a difference: shot in Europe on choppy hand-held camera. Pixie-popstar Björk plays a factory worker who’s going blind; her attempts to save her child from the same fate end in heartbreak, with slapdash musical numbers. But surrender yourself to the experience, and you’ll end up snivelling into a hankie. The Dictator (2012) ITV4, 11.00PM ★★★

 Sacha Baron Cohen plays Aladeen, a North African dictator and a cross between Saddam Hussein and Colonel Gaddafi (whose death must have occurred during production). Ben Kingsley has him kidnapped and replaced by a lookalike, leading to Aladeen being adrift in Brooklyn, and taken under the wing of a feminist (Anna Faris). The jokes are designed to offend, though it’s notable that they steer clear of religion.