Grandad, who was this ‘Jacob Rees-mogg’?
Ireally must start keeping a diary. We live in such remarkable times, my grandchildren are bound to ask me about them. “Grandad, it says in your diary that on March 27, 2018 you heard a speech in London by someone called ‘Jacob Rees-mogg’. Who was he?”
“Well, lad, he was an Old Etonian, a hedge fund manager, a Conservative MP, and the son of a life peer. He lived in a Grade Ii-listed country house, and he took his nanny out canvassing.”
“And what did he say?”
“He said we must defy the Establishment, lad.”
“Why was that, Grandad?” “Because he said the Establishment wanted to stop Brexit. If they succeeded, it would be ‘a national humiliation’, ‘the most almighty smash to the national psyche’, ‘an admission of abject failure’, and ‘Suez all over again’.”
“Blimey, Grandad. That’s pretty strong. Do you think he was getting worried?”
“No, no, lad, he can’t have been. After all, he said that if there were a second referendum, ‘We would win by miles’. I expect that’s why he was so strongly opposed to holding a second referendum. Waste of time.”
“What were his personal reasons for championing Brexit, Grandad?”
“Oh, lots of things, lad, but I think it was mainly because he wanted to help the poor. Brexit ‘will help the least well-off the most’, he said.”
“Cutting immigration ‘could help see the living standards of the least well-off rise by 15 per cent’, he said. Migrants were encouraged to ‘come and compete’ with ‘our indigenous communities’, he said.”
“That’s an interesting choice of word, Grandad. ‘Indigenous.’ Why do you think he said that?”
“Honestly, lad! You shouldn’t read so much into it. He was a gentleman, he would never have meant anything unpleasant. Funnily enough, there was a report out the same morning by the Migration Advisory Committee saying the fall in wages ‘was more closely linked to the financial crisis than the expansion of the EU in 2004’. But that must have been wrong, otherwise Mr Rees-mogg wouldn’t have said it.” “What else did he say, Grandad?” “Well, lad, Russia had just poisoned a spy in Salisbury – and Mr Rees-mogg said the PM’S ‘robust response’ was all thanks to Brexit. ‘The prospect of freedom has made us bolder,’ he said.” “I see, Grandad. Was he popular?” “Very, lad. After the speech a young man said, ‘I love your well-deserved rock-star status.’ The host said he was ‘one of the finest speakers’ ever ‘to grace the Commons’. And a journalist asked if he wanted to be prime minister.”
“What did he say, Grandad?” “Oh, he would never have done anything to undermine Theresa May, lad. ‘I’m fully supporting Mrs May,’ he said. ‘I’m sure she won’t break our red lines’. He was such a polite and charming man, there’s no way he meant it to sound like a threat.”