EQUAL PARENTING
TWICE AS MUCH ADVICE, LOVE AND SUPPORT
I grew up with prodigiously egalitarian parents, offering a vast buffet of advice and wisdom between them. My mum, Patricia, is a fiercely intelligent and ambitious consultant ophthalmologist; my dad, Ian, a gently philosophical and well-read vicar. At school I observed friends only confiding in their mothers, their fathers remaining benevolent yet detached presences in the background. To my mind they were missing out on half the advice, support and love.
My teens were tough, and I couldn’t have got through them without there being at least one parent I could go to for
anything. My dad was just as approachable, open and emotionally articulate as my mother, and in return, he has had intimate, rewarding relationships with all three of his kids.
It was Mum I spoke to about bullies and body image. When I had issues at school, she was the shrewd negotiator and tireless champion of my academic career. But when I was worried I’d never find a boy I liked, horrified by the war in Iraq or depressed by the popularity of the “coolbut-strangely-mean girls”, it was Dad I sat next to at the kitchen table, for worldly wisdom and the consolation of philosophy. Neither gender had the monopoly on emotions in our household.
Growing up close to my dad unquestionably shaped the woman I am today. I have a healthy mixture of female and male friends, and the idea of a “girls’ night out” is an anathema to me. Why would I exclude some of my most fun friends? I’ve worked at men’s as well as women’s magazines throughout my career. I’ve never seen men as alien, unfathomable, or a homogenous, faceless collective that can be casually stereotyped.
This has led me into equal relationships of my own; I could never be with a partner who felt my career was less important to me than his was to him, or that I might fall short on a subject because of my gender. And I’ve expected men to be emotionally literate, heroically vulnerable and fiercely open-minded in return. Equality is one of the greatest aspirations of any civilised society, and a positive signifier of greater empathy and understanding between the sexes. I’m grateful I grew up seeing my mother and father as individuals, not genders, who brought different but complementary skills to the party.