Would you run the risk of going away without leaving ‘a list’?

Adear friend who had a rare week away reports that she got home to find domestic chaos: no clean socks, flowers deceased and smelly in vase, dishwasher loaded but not on, cupboard door hanging off, out of cat food. “All these articles about wives not needing to infantilise men seem wide of the mark,” Jenny says grimly.

It was Vicky Bingham, headmistress of South Hampstead High School for Girls, who criticised women for “micro-managing” domestic responsibilities and leaving to-do lists when they go away. Mrs Bingham claims that it “perpetuates the myth” that their husbands are incapable of carrying out such tasks.

Would that be the myth that’s true? Years ago, when our children were still very little, I had to go to the States and handed Himself a list of things he would need to do in my absence. He peered at the pages of A4 for quite some time until finally he said plaintively: “But it looks like a plan for invading a small country.”

He wasn’t wrong. Every mother runs a small country called Home. She is its minister for health, the secretary of state for shopping and forward planning and the laundry führer.

A young mum, going back to work after maternity leave, recently asked my advice. “My husband is really good with the baby and keen to be helpful, but will I always have to tell him what to do?”

Look, I am no scientist, but empirical observation suggests that the software that tells you the pile of stuff at the bottom of the stairs needs taking to the top is almost impossible to download into the male brain. Honestly, if I stopped noticing the mess, our house would soon make Miss Havisham’s pad look like the World of Interiors.

I admit that, like many females, I am a control freak and enjoy being mistress of my domain. It could be that the headmistress is right. We should stop leaving lists when we go away and, given enough time and patience, blokes might eventually start to notice all the stuff that needs doing. But, frankly, who’s going to run that risk?