THE PAIN OF LOSING A PET BY LOLA BORG, THERAPIST

I can only imagine how the Queen feels at the loss of her furry companion. Our family dog, Roxie, is nearing 14 years-old and becoming more doddery with each passing week. We know her days are slowly dwindling but we can’t bear to face the inevitable.

It’s a curious thing that often humans who can’t be effusive to other humans are mush when it comes to something furry with four legs. But it’s just too easy to love dogs. Unlike us (and those in the royal circle presumably) they demand so little: a bowl of food, a tickle behind a furry ear, a cuddle on the sofa, a stroll around the park, and in turn they give back – in spades – pleasure, loyalty and unadulterated, adoring love. It’s the ultimate lopsided relationship. As the writer Nora Ephron said, when you have teenagers, it’s important to have a dog “so that someone in the house is happy to see you”.

Often people get blindsided or even embarrassed about the searing emotion they feel when a dog dies. As a therapist, I hear people say: “I don’t understand why I’m so upset.” But the death of a muchloved constant companion can be devastating. Grieving a human can be complicated, often full of conflicting emotions – anger, resentment, guilt – but the loss of a dog brings only sadness.

Their absence can feel really acute – there is permanent, aching space where a waggy tail used to be, or the missing dent in the sofa where they would sleep. A dog is rarely “just a pet” so, as with any loss, accepting how special they were (if only to you), how much pleasure they brought and allowing yourself the time and space to cry, remember and mourn them will help to deal with the understandable grief.

It also helps at first to be around those who understand – only other pet owners might truly empathise with how painful the loss of an animal can be.