A lifestyle bombshell: confessions from an outnumbered dad
Three changes everything
WHEN I told my mother that my wife and I were expecting baby No 3, her tone was a mix of dazzlement and fear: “Three children under five!” Until that point, I hadn’t actually considered this prospect, having paid more attention to buying new stereo speakers.
After the initial lifestyle bombshell, raising one child felt manageable; even when No 2 arrived, I was able to retain something of my old life. But, as the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will soon see, the birth of a third changes everything.
No more reading. No nights out with the lads. I was now on holding, carrying, soothing or playing duty every waking moment. I would change nappies, peel off sodden Babygrows and then squeak in a few hours rest before 6am, when the two-year-old would rouse the fouryear-old. I would herd them downstairs to play and squabble, while my wife slept or fed the youngest. This was a new dimension of exhaustion, heightened by their crashing into every sharp corner, or dialling 999.
The struggle to keep everyone alive was a far cry from the curated life we had designed for our first child. He ate no sweets or chocolate until he was two, attended baby massage, and screen time was limited to two Bob the
Builder episodes per day. Our second had seen a slight drop off in standards – yes, more sugar – but No 3 might as well have been raised by wolves.
Looking back, though, I wish I had realised our situation – difficult, demanding, wonderful, privileged – was fleeting. Then, I didn’t find fatherhood fun; I only really got into my stride when they were older.
For me, the fathers befriended at school and cricket clubs, with whom I share successes and failures, have been invaluable.
A man also finds out what kind of father he has been programmed to be. I discovered that a family is best run like a team, not a police state, and that if you want to be heard, speak softly.
It is important not to think of the kids as an amorphous group, but as three individuals who all need a relationship with you.
My children are now 11, 13, and 16, and when everyone’s getting along, there is no one on the planet I would rather hang out with. We go on road trips, visits to nuclear bunkers and castles, walks in forests.
Now that it’s fast disappearing, I finally understand the value of enjoying their childhood with them.