Ruth Davidson, IVF, and what makes a parent

SIR – By implying that we should feel sorry for the child of the Scottish Conservative leader Ruth Davidson, Anne Bloor (Letters, April 28) highlights the unfair judgment shown towards pregnant women who have used sperm donors.

Not knowing who your biological father (or mother) is can cause mixed feelings. Whether it causes emotional pain depends on if, how and when someone is told that they were an IVF baby. Parents who wait until they think their children are mature enough to handle the news – such as when they are teenagers or even adults – can unintentionally trigger a lot of soul-searching, because that child can feel as if they have been lied to.

However, gay parents such as Ms Davidson and her partner must tell a child for obvious reasons, and often tend to tell them sooner. Research has shown that children who are given the facts at pre-school age seem to accept them quite easily. The information can even have a positive effect, because they’re unlikely to doubt that they were wanted.

Conception is vital to life, but it ultimately has very little bearing on a person’s happiness. Your true parents are those who raise and love you. Emilie Lamplough

Trowbridge, Wiltshire

SIR – As someone who was adopted as a child during the Sixties, I grew up knowing neither my biological mother nor my father. Fifty years later, I still don’t.

What I knew were parents who offered me love, affection, guidance and discipline. That is much more important than any blood relationship. Penny Mullord

London SE20

SIR – On what basis does Anne Bloor presume that Ruth Davidson’s child will not know its biological father during childhood? Clare Byam-cook

London SW15