I’d put cologne on my child’s pillow each day if I could

I’m a huge fan of Jo Malone, mostly because whenever I wear her Pomelo fragrance, both women and men literally follow me round shops like Bisto Kids, begging to know what exquisite scent I’m wearing.

I’m olfactory catnip on the school run, and our local Londis shopkeeper bought it for his wife after an early morning whiff of me over the baked-in-store croissants.

Then I heard Malone, 54, had admitted to still making her 17-year-old son Josh’s bed and spraying his sheets with cologne. Wow. And I thought I couldn’t love the woman more.

You see, Jo, I understand. I get up every morning to make fresh couscous and roast vegetables for my very-almost-16-year-old’s packed lunch.

As her GCSES are looming, I have pledged to provide home-baking every day. When she steals my clothes, I feel so flattered, I never ask for them back. Why? Jo knows why.

Just as your offspring start to need you less, you need them more. Or, rather, you need to be needed. It’s a weird maternal thing that fathers can’t comprehend.

Her son knows no different, and what teenager doesn’t want someone else to make his bed before he lies in it? At the very least, he will grow into a delicious-smelling metrosexual.

While my budget doesn’t extend to perfumed sheets, I have to confess that my nine-year-old isn’t at all pampered. With her, it’s all strict bedtimes and piano practice. Is that entirely fair?

A couple of weeks ago the Big One observed that I clearly loved her the most and she wondered aloud if her sister noticed, because sometimes it was really quite embarrassing. Cue my horrified intake of breath.

Then a couple of days later, the Small One casually asked whether I loved her or her sister most. I tentatively asked for her opinion.

“Me,” she smiled, happily. “I know you love me the best, so it’s nice that you let her borrow your clothes to make up for it.”

How’s that for divide-and-rule parenting? I think I might just treat myself to a bed linen cologne spritzer.