Midlife guide to… Heavenly Bodies

My, what a heavenly body Rihanna has.

I beg your pardon?

Don’t worry, I’m not being untoward – merely commenting on the visual spectacle set to appear on the red carpet at tonight’s Met Gala.

Ah, an event at which sartorial choices never fail to raise a well-plucked eyebrow…

Indeed, and they’ll be sky-high this year – the 2018 theme for the annual fashion bonanza is Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination.

Have cassocks now been deemed couture?

Apparently. Andrew Bolton, director of the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute, explained the decision behind this year’s concept by saying “dress is central to any discussion about religion” – while admitting “some might consider fashion to be an unfitting or unseemly medium by which to engage with ideas about the sacred or the divine”.

I’ll say. Has he not seen what the likes of Madonna, Cher and Beyoncé have rocked up in during galas past? That level of, ahem, exposure, certainly wouldn’t pass muster at Mass.

Quite, and fashion insiders have been speculating as to whether this holy spin on proceedings could encourage particularly blasphemous levels of fleshflashing. Might Madge arrive adorned with nothing but a rosary? Will Lady Gaga’s meat dress be updated with sacramental wafers?

There’s a thought. Couldn’t they have picked something with a little less potential for offence? It’s rather a departure from former themes, which have included “rock style” and “haute couture”.

Simpler times, clearly. But fear not: the Vatican has given the soirée the official stamp of approval, and an accompanying exhibition featuring 150 items spanning 15 papacies renders it all above board. Probably.

Maybe so. But I’d hazard a guess that some A-list attendees will need to hotfoot it to the front of the confession queue afterwards.