With Brexit finally warming up, so too is the Leader of the Opposition

At last. At long, long last. We thought it would never happen. We feared the moment might never come. But now, finally, it’s here. After all this time, Brexit is actually about to get interesting.

I know. I can’t believe it either. I’m pinching myself, just to check I’m not dreaming. For month upon gruelling month, we’ve had to wade, bored and exhausted, through a tarpit of tedium.

Speeches that said nothing. Negotiations that went nowhere. Questions unanswered, fights ducked, decisions deferred. In both the Government and the Opposition, political paralysis. Nothing moving, except the hands of the clock.

The waiting, however, is almost at an end. Next week there’s a knife-edge vote in the Commons – and anything could happen. Will the Government be defeated? Will the Prime Minister be deposed? Will an enraged Jacob Rees-mogg streak through the Palace of Westminster, whirling the ceremonial mace and shrieking “Down with Remoaners” in Latin?

It’s warming up nicely. And the fun’s only just begun. In the months and years ahead, we’ve got so much to look forward to. Resignations, accusations, splits, sackings, coups, punch-ups, meltdowns … I can’t wait.

Clear your diaries. The judge-led inquiry of 2021 is going to be an absolute belter.

Even PMQS has started to grow mildly diverting. Yesterday Jeremy Corbyn took Theresa May apart like a cheap watch. Yes, Jeremy Corbyn. The most witteringly inept Opposition leader since records began, a man so absent-minded he can barely remember what he’s meant to be asking unless an aide tattoos the question to his eyeballs.

Yet, so vulnerable has Mrs May become on Brexit that he’s able to make a fool of her, despite not actually having a policy on it himself.

He asked whether her Brexit white paper would be published in time for next week’s vote; she couldn’t tell him. He asked whether it would be published in time for the EU summit; she couldn’t tell him. He asked what decision she’d made on customs; she couldn’t tell him.

“When it comes to Brexit,” hooted Mr Corbyn, “this Government has delivered more delays and cancellations than Northern Rail!”

It wasn’t only Labour MPS who agreed. A Tory Brexiteer made the same complaint. “My constituents want their trains to arrive without delay, and they want Brexit to arrive without delay,” harrumphed Henry Smith (Con, Crawley).

He glared at the Prime Minister with the foot-tapping irritability of an angry hotel guest confronting a hapless receptionist. “Please,” he snapped, “could we have some delivery!”

Dully the receptionist promised that she was “taking action on the issues”.

Mrs May did have one moment of inspiration, though. It came when she was asked about her dithering over Northern Ireland.

“The Leader of the Opposition,” said Mrs May, “complains that we’re giving too much attention to getting the answer right …”

I wish I’d thought of that one at school, when the teacher asked where my homework was.