Bryony Gordon
If you haven’t got anything nice to say, read this
Is it just me, or does anyone else find people who start sentences with the words “Is it just me…?” the most maddening on the planet? You know the kind of person. You’re all sitting there at the dinner table, enjoying lovely food and drinks and even better company, discussing the book or television programme or film of the moment, when someone – usually a person with a rather high opinion of themselves – pipes up and says: “Is it just me, or is this book/television programme/film that everyone seems to love actually really quite bad? Is it just me – me being intellectually and culturally superior to everyone else at this dinner party where people are, frankly, lucky to be breathing the same rarefied air as moi – or do others find the appeal of this book/television programme/film completely mystifying?”
No, no, it’s not just you – but let’s pretend it is, so that you can continue on your one-person crusade to be special and different.
There are a lot of “Is It Just Mes” about at the moment. They tend to be drawn out by good weather (is it just me, or do other people find this heat insufferable? At least we know where we are with wind and rain!) and global sporting events (is it just me, or does anyone else find the sight of 22 grown men chasing a ball around utterly boring and unwatchable?).
Make the mistake of going on Twitter and you will be hit by a tsunami of them, all tweeting about their dislike of football and Love Island and humanity in general. Everything that makes other people really happy seems to make them joyously miserable – instead of simply switching to another channel or reading a book or going out for a walk, they want to let the world know how much they hate it. The real question they should be asking is: “Is it just me or am I a misanthropic misery guts who could do with taking this rod out of my bottom and lightening the hell up?”
On the face of it, these Is It Just Me contrarians appear to be looking for some sort of kinship. In truth, there is nothing they’d like less than someone answering their question with the words: “No, it isn’t just you, I also think that Love Island is the very nadir of western civilisation.” Is It Just Mes are a bit like those awful, self-loathing gay men who are opposed to same-sex marriage; they can’t stand the thought that actually they might be just like everyone else.
As a columnist, I have obviously flirted with the idea of becoming an Is It Just Me, because finding something everyone loves and then banging on about how much you hate it is really easy copy and tends to get lots of attention. Indeed, people have made entire careers out of it. Piers Morgan. Katie Hopkins. Rod Liddle. Donald Trump, even. They have found success saying the unsayable. But it is usually unsayable for a reason – because it is rude and unkind.
Four years ago, when the most recent Band Aid charity single was released at the time of the Ebola crisis in West Africa, I wrote a piece that essentially asked: “Is it just me, or do you find Bob Geldof really annoying for trying to raise money and help impoverished people who are dying of a virus that liquefies your organs?” Turns out, it wasn’t just me. Millions of you also felt as mean-spirited as I did. To this day, it is the most-read thing I have ever written. I am not proud of this. It makes me feel a bit icky, a bit nasty, a bit like going and having a really good wash in the clean, treated water I am lucky enough to be able to get out of the tap in my home rather than a five-mile walk away.
Perhaps I am going soft in my old age. But I am finding, increasingly, that I have neither the energy nor the inclination to spend my time pooh-poohing all things that make other people happy. There is enough misery out there without me adding to it.
I haven’t watched a single game of football in the last two weeks. I would not be able to pick out Harry Kane in a line-up, and until I googled “Var”, I thought it was a person.
But do you know what? I am glad the football exists. I am glad the World Cup is happening, and that it seems to be giving so many people such joy. Ditto Love Island. Who am I to pour scorn on something if it allows people to switch off after a long day at work? But, then again, that could just be me…
I’m not watching, but I’m glad the World Cup gives so many so much joy