The day Merkel and May re-enacted a scene from The Bodyguard
Crisis after crisis. Humiliation after humiliation. And yet, for all the misery she’s endured, Theresa May just keeps on going. Far from wounding her, adversity seems to strengthen her. It’s bizarre. Freakish even. But, following the extraordinary events of Monday – and, indeed, the extraordinary events of the past year
– I fear the time has come for Mrs May’s critics to face up to the only plausible explanation. She’s immortal.
Seriously. She’s going to outlive us all. You, me, my unborn grandchildren, and my unborn grandchildren’s unborn grandchildren. She’ll go on, and on, and on. And when, five billion years from now, the sun turns red, swells to 250 times its current size, and swallows the Earth in a single furious gulp, she’ll simply decamp to another solar system, and resume her Brexit negotiations with the nearest available lifeforms. “I’m very clear. The United Kingdom will leave the European Union on March 29th, 5,000,002,018.”
Only the Conservatives will respect the will of the people’s great-greatgreat-great-great-great-great—”
Yesterday the Prime Minister met another member of the political undead: Angela Merkel. The German chancellor was in London for a conference, and together they faced the press briefly – just after Mrs May had been hit by further resignations. Compared with the blockbuster names from Monday, though, these were firmly in Wikipedia territory: Ben Bradley and Maria Caulfield. Their letters helpfully reminded everyone that they had both been among the Tory party’s numerous vice-chairs.
A journalist from a British newspaper asked the Prime Minister about Donald Trump – and then asked Mrs Merkel a question, too. What, he wondered, did she think of Mrs May’s proposal from Chequers? For once, Mrs May’s veneer of calm vanished. She practically hurled herself in front of Mrs Merkel, like a bodyguard blocking a bullet. “Chancellor Merkel will be taking her own questions from the press,” she snapped.
The room stared, dumbfounded. Well, this was a first. Inviting your country’s journalists to a press conference with a foreign leader – and then stopping them from asking that foreign leader a question. Only the German journalists, it seemed, were permitted to address Mrs Merkel – and they, funnily enough, had their own topics. For her part, Mrs Merkel appeared wholly content not to talk about Chequers. She looked on as Mrs May recited some deathly platitudes about “looking forward” to “positive discussions” with Mr Trump.
I would call it a farce. But then farces tend to be entertaining.
Another British journalist asked about Boris Johnson and the latest resignations. Mrs May ignored the question and recited deathly platitudes about “keeping faith with the vote of the British people”. And that was that. No more questions, thank you very much. Shameless. Totally shameless.
Mr Trump, no doubt, would have admired it very much.