The funny side of Victoria Beckham
Posh has dropped her po-faced persona to send herself up in a ‘Vogue’ video – but insiders know she’s always had a killer sense of humour, says Louise Gannon
Ididn’t have to watch Vogue’s newly released video of Victoria Beckham clowning around in a catsuit to know that she has a killer sense of humour. I knew it already. Filmed to coincide with her forthcoming cover of the magazine, the clip sees VB explain that she has been enlisted to celebrate “the rich and inspiring history of one of the most enduring style icons of all time. Me” – followed by shots of her prancing around in outfits including her wedding dress, while telling Vogue editor Edward Enninful to “spice up his life”. It’s not the side of her the public sees often, more au fait with a look that, even at the nuptials of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, seems rarely troubled by a smile.
Rewind to 1995 and my very first introduction to a group of teenage wannabes called Spice Girls. The fivesome burst into my office at GMTV, where I was head of showbusiness, with a teeny redhead at the front yelling: “You need to put us on the telly, we’re going to be massive”, as another one pressed play on a battered silver boombox.
Within seconds, Geri and Mel B were clambering over my desk kicking papers and various bits of office paraphernalia into the air as they screeched through a routine with the words: “I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want”.
Those girls were unforgettable, while the three others – including one Victoria Adams, as she was then – sort of faded into the background. As they were about to leave, Victoria walked over and handed me a pile of stationery she’d picked up. “Now you’ll remember we’re not just a bunch of loud-mouthed a--------,” she said with a wink. Then, she yelled: “Melanie Brown, in future clean up your f------ mess” – turned round, grinned, and scarpered.
In Vogue’s offering, Queen Vic (as she is known to her staff) royally took the mickey out of herself, digging through her “back in the day”-wear, while offering deadpan commentary: “This is when two fashion forces join to make something really quite incredible,” she says, steely-eyed, to camera, knocking her knuckles together to illustrate the weight of collaboration.
Not only did it make its viewers (inching towards the half a million mark across Youtube and Instagram at the time of writing) laugh, it also whet the appetites of fans, reigniting hope that she will join the band’s rumoured reunion next year.
For all her pouts (“I don’t like smiling, I look an idiot smiling,” she once told me), Victoria is a very funny woman with a quick-fire wit. I once stood by as she was introduced to a man she felt had slighted her, who turned up to one of her shows with his two children. “Wow,” she said to his wife, completely straight-faced. “You’ve actually had sex with him twice?” Then she turned to him and added: “I wouldn’t have believed that was possible,” departing with a flash of that rare, killer smile.
“Vic is very, very funny,” Mel B tells me. “What’s even funnier is that people never expect her to be, so it has twice the impact. All the girls knew that when it came to one-liners, no one could beat Vic.”
Take a discussion over the cheap nylon costume fabrics during their last reunion tour. Queen Vic announced “that means we’ll have to cut the pyrotechnics, then. I don’t want that stuff melting off my bum.”
Brutally Honest by Melanie Brown and Louise Gannon is published by Quadrille. To order for £15 plus p&p, call 0844 871 1514 or visit books.telegraph.co.uk
‘She is very, very funny. People never expect her to be, so it has twice the impact’