‘God, how do you get out of this place?’ Just what we thought, Boris

Economists have made some startling forecasts about the long-term impact of Brexit. But should we listen? Jacob Rees-mogg, it seems, is in two minds.

In January, when economists from the Treasury forecast a no-deal Brexit would cut growth by 8 per cent in 15 years, he dismissed it as absurd. “To think you have any idea where the economy will be in 15 years is erroneous,” he explained.

He appears to have had a change of heart. A group of economists, he assured the public on Monday, forecast that a no-deal Brexit “would result in a £1.1trillion boost to the economy over 15 years.” That was Economists for Free Trade – formerly known as Economists for Brexit – and yesterday Mr Rees-mogg invited their leader, Prof Patrick Minford, of Cardiff University, to Parliament to spread the good news. Prof Minford has many admirers on the Tory back benches – in fact, they’ve earned themselves the nickname The Minford Sisters.

Into a committee room the Minfords excitedly crowded, among them Iain Duncan Smith (the former Tory leader), David Davis (former Brexit secretary), Steve Baker (former Brexit minister), and even one Boris Johnson. Prof Minford told them there was no need to worry about “Project Fear”. “Hear, hear!” cried the Minfords. “Most economists are bloody useless,” declared Mr Baker. “But these economists aren’t useless.”

The only trouble, of course, was Theresa May. Her Chequers plan, said the professor, would be much less successful. A journalist asked the Minfords whether they planned to solve this problem by replacing Mrs May with one of their own number.

Mr Baker shot the journalist a reproachful look. “Isn’t the future of this country,” he asked, “about more than the personalities?”

“Hear, hear!” said Mr Johnson. Unfortunately, the journalists didn’t seem wholly satisfied with this answer. And so, the moment Mr Johnson left the room, a group of them set off after him. Overcome by an uncharacteristic bout of shyness, Mr Johnson hurried to the end of the corridor and rounded a corner – only to discover that he’d reached a dead end.

“Oh God, how do you get out of this place?” muttered the man with a total of 10 years’ service there as an MP. The chasing pack continued to ask him if he was plotting to become prime minister but he kept his counsel.

Whatever his plans, the Tories urgently need someone who can bring them together over Brexit.

If you like: a Unity Minford.