Of course parents send children to private schools so they’ll earn more

Certain words or phrases these days cause extreme reactions. “Foxhunting” is one. “Tory” is another. Then there’s “private school”, which often has the hammer and sickle mob reaching for their tools. It’s exactly this class tension which explains why there’s been such a row over the private school that put out an ad about a Jaguar. A quick recap if you’ve missed this outrage: Vinehall School in East Sussex recently advertised using an image of a small boy reflecting morosely that his father could only afford to drive a Volvo. The ad goes on to suggest that if he went to Vinehall, the boy might one day be able to buy his dad a Jag.

Cue fury. Opprobrium. The usual incandescence online and monstering of the school on social media, followed by a grovelling apology from the headmaster which was frankly more embarrassing than the ad. “Vinehall prides itself on being a friendly, inclusive place where the values of modesty and broad-mindedness are at the forefront of our guidance and teaching,” said Mr Powis, who is presumably now sitting in his office wearing a hair-shirt, looking a bit sad.

The values of modesty indeed. Come off it. There are all sorts of reasons why little Ptolemy is sent to private school – to get good A-levels, learn Mandarin, get Grade 8 in the French horn and master a decent backhand – but learning about modesty is not top of the list. Private schools are aspirational. If you can afford to send your child to one and choose to do so, you probably have high hopes for them. You’d have to be a lunatic to want your child to become prime minister nowadays, but you’d quite like it if they became a barrister or a banker. Something extremely well-paid and not at all modest which means they can look after themselves and you can boast about their job at dinner parties.

Vinehall was targeting exactly such parents. The ad was crass and cringeworthy, sure, but it was also very honest. Send your child here, the school might as well have said (but fortunately didn’t), and we promise they won’t become a bus driver. As a marketing ploy, it probably wasn’t going to win over any Momentum members. But it was never supposed to.

Last month, the Department for Education released figures that revealed which university degree was likely to net you the biggest starting salary. (Engineering and Technology at Havering, if you’re interested.) That’s not much less avaricious than this ad, surely?

Critics have slammed Vinehall’s ploy as “elitist”. Well, yes, but we’re talking about an advert for a school that costs £22,000 a year in the first place. I find those adverts for Patek Philippe watches pretty gruesome myself. A George Clooney lookalike gurning at a boy dressed like Prince George and the tagline “You never actually own a Patek Philippe. You merely look after it for the next generation.” Barf. But you don’t hear anyone carping on about those being elitist, do you?

What the ad actually got wrong was its cars. I moonlight as a motoring journalist and, as anyone in the industry will tell you, Volvos are brilliant. No longer boxy motors that could double as a hearse, they’ve undergone a slick makeover – all minimalist inside with no fiddly buttons. They’re also efficient and safe. Poor old Mr Powis should think about getting one as protection from the mob.