Anti-social media
Confessions of a ‘Like addict’
As reality TV goes, it had to happen at some point. The Circle, which started last night on Channel 4, sees contestants communicate only through technology; curating digital personas to gain popularity and ultimately reap financial rewards. Whether they will be themselves, or create false versions remains to be seen. It was only a matter of time before our – frankly often bizarre – behaviour on social media got its own game show. We’ve watched Charlie Booker’s Black Mirror in horror and read Dave Eggers’s dystopic satire on internet culture (his book shares a name with C4’s new series) with a knowing nod.
But how much have we really started to address the hour and 58 minutes we spend looking at social media, on average, every day? Or the 160 per cent rise, according to UK Addiction Treatment, in women seeking help for internet-based addictions over the last two years?
Many of us can hardly remember a time when we weren’t all scrolling frantically for hours on end; seeking validation, consuming idealised versions of each other’s existences; and plunging into a spiral of compare and despair. Likes, or lack of them, have come to dominate how we measure our self-esteem. Social media popularity is a currency. Sean Parker, one of social media’s earliest investors, said last year that we are trapped in a “social validation feedback loop”.
He explained that he and other pioneers built the “like” button to give users “a little dopamine hit”, which in turn would fuel a desire to upload more content. This so-called “brain hacking” has hooked us all into a rewards system via our brain chemistry, and created a
culture in which pleasing others and gaining validation has become the be all and end all. And for influencers at the top of the social media food chain, there can be financial returns far beyond The Circle’s £50,000 prize pot.
As a mid-level influencer, I believe that as long as you are transparent about payment for advertising on your platform, it can be a great way to share what you love with others. It’s really not so different to what I was doing during my 10-year career on fashion magazines. But, over the years, I have also experienced the social media sting. Chasing likes has made me feel lonely, unpopular, anxious, unsuccessful and seriously uncool. It has made me question all sorts of things, from the way my captions come across to the fat pockets above my knees.
The little hearts below your pictures can change a bad day into a good one. A 2016 UCLA study showed that viewing likes activates the same brain signals as eating chocolate or winning money, while a 2017 New Statesman survey revealed that for 89per cent of social media users, getting a high level of likes made them feel happy. The craving for likes is not a niche issue.
My social media persona reflects a superficial version of who I am, and that has made me feel trapped at times. Because a proportion of my salary is predicated on engagement and popularity, I’ve felt like there were things that I couldn’t say – or things I should say that I didn’t really feel. In
Have we started to address the hour and 58 minutes we spend on social media each day?
the past, I’ve gone to events I wasn’t interested in to get the kind of content my followers like, felt pressure to spend money I didn’t have to feed my feed, and projected a resolutely upbeat version of my life – even when my world was falling in.
However, over the past year my approach has changed. It began with launching workworkwork.co, to provide a space for influencers to talk about the less photogenic sides of their lives (post-natal depression, caring for sick parents, mental health issues and so on). Through hearing the experiences of others, I slowly gained the courage to introduce real elements of my messy life into the perfected online version.
Since becoming a mum, earlier this year, I have started a separate Instagram account to talk frankly about the challenges of raising a baby, on your own, in the city. And on my original fashion profile, using the hashtag #whysocialmediaisruining yourlife, I have been reposting some of my old images, with the not-so-chic truth behind them.
Instead of being judged for my weaknesses and vulnerabilities, I’ve built an incredibly supportive, and funny, network of women. There is no pressure, just compassion, and the response to my barefaced honesty has been overwhelmingly positive.
Perfection gets old – but the often thorny, complex vicissitudes of real life? That’s something we can all like.