And all because the lady is no longer allowed to love Milk Tray
There are heaps of things which bring out the bad driver in me. Pedestrians glued to their iphones as they jaywalk by my windscreen. The motorists who follow their own highway code (indicate at roundabouts? Not in my rule book, love). And my particular bugbear: the overhead gantry which screams 50mph when the motorway is clear for miles ahead.
All these experiences cause me to honk, swear or rev up in frustration as I rage against the challenges of the driving experience.
Given how infuriating real-life driving can be, a witty television ad is hardly likely to drive me over the edge. The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) apparently disagrees.
In an astonishing piece of snowflake manoeuvring, the organisation has banned two adverts for Ford which feature a motorist driving “in an abrupt manner”, a voice-over quoting from Dylan Thomas’s poem “Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night”, and the slogan, “Don’t go quietly”. The ASA says this depicts characters releasing their anger behind the wheel and could encourage irresponsible driving.
Whatever the aesthetic rights and wrongs of using Thomas’s stirring verse to flog a car, the regulators must have been at the cooking sherry if they seriously believed it would be the green light for dangerous driving.
Yet, lamentably, this is by no means an isolated incident. Barely a week goes by without our advertising watchdogs condemning commercials deemed “harmful” or misleading to the hapless consumer.
Earlier this month the ASA banned a Costa Coffee ad that jokingly urged customers to buy a bacon roll rather than avocados, because it might discourage people from making healthy eating choices.
And this year the Committee of Advertising Practice announced new rules that could effectively outlaw stereotypical characteristics such as boys being daring or girls being caring in adverts. (Well we know how Lynda Bellingham and her OXO pinny set back the cause of Women’s Lib.)
How did it come to this? British advertising has always been head and shoulders above the rest of the world’s, thanks to its creativity, its artistry and its often bonkers sense of humour (Martians and mashed potatoes, anyone?).
It is criminal to crush the imagination of the creative minds behind British commercials with blunt nannying – not to mention immensely patronising towards the viewer to suggest they haven’t the cerebral capacity to distinguish between a fancy way to sell cars and the humdrum reality of driving and speed limits.
In our bleak and gloomy world, where taking offence is so often the default position, we need aspirational advertising. It spirits us away from the grind of the commute, and reminds us there’s nothing greater than taking to an empty country road, winding down the window and just letting the car hoover up the miles (within the lawful limit).
What we don’t need is a censorious regulator making spurious judgments about social reality and assuming that adults can’t think for themselves.
Otherwise it won’t be long before they stick a hard hat and high-vis jacket on the Milk Tray man. I just hope he remembers that when he makes his getaway, he won’t be able to put his foot down, either.