Never can our Parliament have witnessed such raw, unbridled passion
Geoffrey Cox is wasted in politics. He should be on the stage. The man was born to act. If you don’t believe me, listen to his voice. Or should I say his VOICE! His VOICE, gentle reader! Listen to it BOOM, BOOM like the deepest CANYON! Hear it RISE and then FALL, like the mightiest SEA! Hear it rumble, rumble like a distant thunder – and then ROAR, ROAR like a towering STORM! That VOICE, O my reader, O my most cherish’d reader! So DEEP, so RICH, so SONOROUS with MAJESTY! Why! It makes Brian BLESSED sound like Frank SPENCER!
Yesterday, dear reader, I had the honour – the HONOUR! – to witness the great man perform, LIVE and in PERSON. In his capacity as Attorney General to Her Majesty’s GOVERNMENT, Mr Cox was delivering a statement to the House of COMMONS, to SUMMARISE his legal ADVICE in regard to the Brexit AGREEMENT. BUT, valued reader, Mr Cox did not make it SOUND like a boring old summary of legal advice. NO! He made it sound like the DYING SOLILOQUY of some Shakespearean KING, bellowing to the heavens ’midst the ruins of WAR!
“The House may be SURE that I shall DISCHARGE this DUTY,” roared Mr Cox, “with UNCOMPROMISING and RIGOROUS FIDELITY!”
And what a performance it was. His every syllable CRISP, CRISP as the FROST on a winter’s DAWN! Never in the annals of this glorious nation, can a man have delivered with such passion, such raw unbridled PASSION, a parliamentary statement about the legal implications of an Irish backstop!
Why, it was the finest display of ORATORY your reporter has had the privilege to witness since Mr Cox’s speech at Conservative party CONFERENCE – during which he quoted none other than MILTON, and bawled: “Methinks I see in my mind a NOBLE and PUISSANT NATION, rousing herself like a STRONG MAN after SLEEP, and shaking her invincible LOCKS! Methinks I see her as an EAGLE, mewing her mighty YOUTH, and kindling her undazzled EYES at the full midday BEAM!”
He really did say all that, dear reader. Party members were BESIDE themselves. They practically GROANED with joy.
You might imagine, fair reader, that Members of Parliament would have REJOICED to be granted front-row seats for yesterday’s matinee. But I am sorry to have to tell you that the Commons is a DEN of PHILISTINES. Because, rather than shower our finest living thespian with the garlands that are his undoubted due, all his audience did was MOAN. Something to do with Britain being imprisoned by Brussels, and the Government being in contempt of Parliament, or some such trifle.
One MP – Caroline Lucas of the Greens – called it “a farce”, and had the GALL to tell Mr Cox to cut the “amateur dramatics”!
Honestly. Some people simply don’t APPRECIATE great ART.