WALDEN’S WORLD

The ‘Disso Queen’ could sort Brexit

It’s Saturday afternoon and I’m at the pre-valentine’s Day launch of a divorce website in Beverly Hills, thrashing out the details of my own divorce with the site’s creator: top Hollywood lawyer Laura Wasser.

Until two glasses of champagne ago, I wasn’t planning on getting divorced, but Wasser – who has dissolved the marriages of everyone from Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie to Stevie Wonder, Kim Kardashian and Mariah Carey – is a formidable woman and her new site, “It’s Over Easy”, makes divorce look like the kind of thing you could click your way through, in between the weekly Ocado shop and some idle Outnet browsing.

“It helps if you’ve been married for over 15 years,” the woman known as the “Disso Queen” tells me when I ask for tips on how to maximise the husband-fleecing. Seriously? That’s another six. Don’t I get a sentence reduction for good behaviour?

And can I beg one more piece of advice – this time on behalf of my countrymen and the multibillion EU divorce that’s tearing us apart? Because only Wasser would understand the kind of egos we’re dealing with.

“I happen to know a lot about Brexit,” she announces, before explaining that because her news alert system has “divorce” as a keyword, her inbox is permanently rammed with Withdrawal Agreement updates.

So maybe that’s the solution: we draft in Wasser, and it’s over – easy.