Like a dying soprano with a Dalek croak: painful to watch
Like some interminable dying scene in an opera, with the soprano shrieking on and on, flailing about madly, coughing and clutching her throat, while the audience sits there, willing it to end, saying a silent prayer: “Please let it stop. Get her off! Please…”
It was painful watching the Prime Minister in the Commons yesterday, it really was. And not just because that familiar voice with a hesitant scratch in it had deteriorated to the same Dalek croak that wrecked her speech to the Conservative Party conference back in 2017. The second defeat of Theresa May’s Brexit Bill was not as bad as the first, but a 149-vote margin would still count as a pulverising loss under normal circumstances. That charade of a last-minute dash to Strasbourg, to make it look like a major breakthrough had been achieved, failed abysmally. No one believes her anymore. Britain has had more fake climaxes than a Bangkok brothel.
What should be high drama registers merely as pantomime. Mrs May can’t even rely on close advisers. At least Tony Blair was able to twist his Attorney General’s arm to say the Iraq War was legal. Geoffrey Cox refused to compromise his integrity by giving a view on the latest amendments which would have convinced enough Brexiteers that the UK would not be trapped indefinitely in the backstop. Margaret Thatcher famously said, “Every prime minister needs a Willie.” Poor, friendless Theresa only has a detumescent Cox’s codpiece.
It’s obvious that the EU top brass know how appallingly weak she is, this leader without the support of her own Parliament whose own ministers are revving up to grab poll position in a leadership contest. Sitting next to her on Monday night, Jean-claude Juncker casually revealed who was
boss. This was a second chance for the UK, he said, if we didn’t take it there could be “no Brexit at all”.
If looks could kill, the PM would have had a knife to the old soak’s throat. A gallant bow and a kiss for her from Michel Barnier was deceptively fond.
He probably did it to pass on a virus; literally a Frog in her throat.
Last night, the PM acted once again as if this catastrophic rejection of her deal, unleashing a surreal new level of crisis, was nothing to do with her. Her detachment is inhuman. For a while, Theresa’s May’s secretiveness, her awkward, recessive manner, made us think she must have hidden depths.
Now we know for sure she is no Machiavel. She has no cards. The empress is wearing no clothes, except for a statement necklace. Her interpersonal skills are non-existent. She can’t communicate, can’t build bridges, forge cross-party alliances, she can’t unite her own Cabinet let alone the country. So what is the point of her?
Leadership requires a leader and this one has been missing in action far too long. If you have suffered two of the biggest Commons defeats in a generation, just maybe people are trying to tell you something, Prime Minister? It won’t be easy getting this self-declared “bloody difficult woman” to step aside. She continues to think she’s the answer, when actually she’s the problem.
The Conservative Party must take some of the blame. Foolishly, they hung onto Theresa May after a disastrous election performance and then allowed her to survive a vote of no confidence. No one wanted to be the assassin because he who strikes the queen won’t inherit the crown. That was cowardly. Now Parliament grows ever more like a funfair train with a ghost driver at the wheel, careering round the track in mad circles.
It has to stop. We need a bold new leader who can enter 21 months of EU negotiations with guts, vision and fire in their belly and, if necessary, lead the Conservatives into a victorious general election, which is probably what it will take to get this mess sorted out.
They say that Philip May will tell his wife when it’s time to go. She trusts him like she trusts no one else.
Last night, I very much hope that the exhausted PM had a hot bath and a hot toddy. Nobody would begrudge her that. Her sense of duty is exemplary, but she is the wrong person for the job – and if she stays, she may destroy the party she loves. If Philip could have a gentle word in her ear, he should tell her the moment is now.