‘We fell through the net’

Ruth Murrell, 48, and her 14-year-old daughter, Emily, from Ribble Valley, Lancs, were hit by shrapnel during the Manchester Arena bombing, which killed Ruth’s best friend. She and her daughter spent five and a half weeks in hospital and Ruth has not been able to work since.

“We fell through the net as soon as we left hospital. We felt very much lost in the system. It wasn’t just the horror of what happened but the mental destruction you do to yourself because you’ve survived.

“I’d survived and yet my best friend, who stood next to me, didn’t. It affected me so badly I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. I couldn’t leave my home. I couldn’t look after my daughter, who was also suffering. It got so bad I wanted to take my own life. I feel embarrassed for saying that because I survived and my best friend didn’t, but I couldn’t see past living beyond the next hour.

“My family liaison officer (FLO) was fantastic but, after going to the GP and being prescribed four different types of tablet, I just needed someone to talk to. In my area there was only one person who dealt with PTSD, so I was told I would have a nine- to 12-month wait. With my FLO’S help I got specialist eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing therapy paid for by the Manchester Fund. At £85 a session, I wouldn’t have been able to afford it myself.

“I had a year of therapy and it really helped me. I still think about what happened at least three times a day but now I can see that I am in a safe place.

“Theresa May visited the hospital and said the Government would do anything to help, but then it stopped. They say lessons will be learnt but no lessons are learnt – it’s just paying lip service. We’ve had to adjust to a different normal. We just feel extremely lucky to be here.”