Why do women put up with grumpy old men?

Happy wife, happy life. The perfect recipe for conjugal bliss, n’est-ce pas ladies? You’d think. But despite constant repetition, it’s a slogan that still hasn’t quite gained as much traction as I would like in Woods Towers.

I’m hoping for seismic change with the revelation from researchers in the Netherlands that once you hit 50, having a contented spouse leads to a longer life. Regardless of income, demographic and fitness, if the middle-aged missus is happy, her husband will “enjoy” greater longevity. Or, to put it another way, your in-house Victor Meldrew will continue to have only one foot in the grave.

I do realise that it theoretically works both ways. But let’s get real. It’s far easier to make a wife happy. Just give me – sorry, her – everything she wants, put the loo seat down and compliment her hair daily.

I don’t think I’m the first to point out (aka grossly generalise) that as they get on a bit, husbands do tend to go on a bit and their moods are much trickier to manage.

Why? Because the things that send the average chap apoplectic, ruining their day (and hence yours) are far more random and uncontrollable. Young people’s trousers. Newsnight. All other drivers. A computer glitch. Yet another dinner party. The neighbours.

A curmudgeonly other half can take years off your life – or at least it feels like it. Why then do so many women put up with grumpy old men?

I think these new findings have provided the answer and it has nothing to do with marriage vows.

It’s all down to innate female rivalry. There are few things more irritating here in the highly competitive sisterhood than someone who is conspicuously happier than you.

But speaking as a spouse, I believe there’s no better way to demonstrate your superiority than a doddery old husband who’s obviously being kept alive by your indestructible joie de vivre.