What a thoroughly worthwhile waste of money

If I suggested that the Government spend £60 million on revamping a train service so that passengers can travel slower and still pay more than double the cost of a plane ticket to the same destination, you would probably say: “No thanks.”

And yet, from a purely selfish point of view, I’m also delighted that the Scottish government has wasted such a massive sum on subsidising the revival of the Caledonian Sleeper train.

Throughout my childhood, I took the sleeper to the Scottish Highlands and back every year. The journey started at Euston, far past bedtime and with us already clad in pyjamas.

Onto the train and along the strange, narrow corridors you went, through the crowded bustle, till you found the right compartment.

There was the obligatory negotiation over who got the top bunk, the alien excitement of brushing your teeth over a strange, fold-away sink, the juddering lurch along the carriages to say a last goodnight to the dog, who, sitting alone in the baggage car, was frantically relieved to see us.

Then, the sublime wake-up. You closed the blind in the dull, sooty tunnels of London and opened it on the sight of gnarled birch trees, cold, peaty rivers and bleak, purple mountains flashing by. For three weeks, London didn’t exist. There were just picnics, wildflowers, board games, dams built out of mud and stones, imaginary trolls under little bridges and cold, yellow water.

If I have one doubt about the refurbished sleeper, it’s that it looks a little bit too, well, nice.

USB ports? Showers? Double beds? Not to mention the option of a proper, cooked breakfast, versus the old way: shortbread and cartons of Minute Maid – probably a week’s worth of sugar in modern terms. At least the new service’s debut journey didn’t go exactly to plan. It arrived three hours late.

Then again, if passengers are voluntarily paying top dollar for a form of transport that takes six times longer than flying, timeliness probably isn’t the top priority.

This will be my last Saturday Comment page for a few months. From today, I will be on maternity leave.

I plan to return at some point in the autumn, by which time I’m sure the Tories will have installed a new prime minister, brought off Brexit and fully revived the fortunes of their party. Or, perhaps, everything will be exactly the same as it is now.