Waffle from a sort-of famous Belgian
The sun shone brightly, the giddily optimistic election candidates wore daffodil-yellow jackets and a pensioner walking her bulldog announced she’d rather vote for the Monster Raving Loony Party.
The most famous Belgian since Plastic Bertrand put in a cameo appearance in the north London borough of Camden and just as the talk turned to “alternatives to nationalism”, a passer-by, who clearly hadn’t got the shiny new “Bollocks to Brexit” memo shouted: “Just get us ahhhht of Europe!”
In short, it was the perfect Liberal Democrat launch. Guy Verhofstadt, the EU parliament’s chief Brexit representative, played Tintin to Vince Cable’s Snowy and the result was (whisper it) liberal centrist catnip.
“He’s an anti-brexit superstar,” swooned Matt Sanders, a former Lib Dem councillor. “By contrast Labour have been doing their duplicitous best to avoid telling people their stance.”
If Verhofstadt counts as a superstar, it begs the question of who Labour might drum up to boost its international celebrity credentials. Hamas?
“I voted for Brexit,” said Rahma Rajab, a 40-something IT administrator who lives nearby. “But I’m so fed up of it all, I’m starting to think we may as well remain.”
Ah yes, the Lib Dem’s all-powerful electoral weapons strike again: boredom and disaffection. Still, a vote’s a vote, however grudgingly cast.
We had gathered to hear Verhofstadt endorsing the Lib Dems in the forthcoming European
elections that we weren’t supposed to be fighting.
“Arranging this nice weather took up most of my campaigning budget,” smiled Irina von Wiese, the party’s lead candidate for London. It was quite funny, but being a Lib Dem she felt compelled to set the record straight. “Actually, that’s not true,” she added earnestly. “I’m not in charge of the budget.”
Say what you like, but Lib Dems do a lovely doorstep. A woman carrying a clipboard consulted her notes and crisply pointed out precisely which door they would be knocking to spontaneously canvass opinion.
It turned out to be a four-storey semi-detached townhouse with magnificent acers in the front garden.
I know the Lib Dem slogan is “Demand Better”. Hand on heart, I’m not sure that wouldn’t be a bit greedy in this instance, given a similar mansion down the road sold for £2.6 million in 2015.
It was no surprise when the door opened to reveal Marc Vlessing, an urbane property developer in a crisp white shirt, who has joint Dutch and British citizenship. “I’m passionately pro-europe,” he said, rather superfluously. “I want to make a difference to this country by voting Lib Dem.” It was a straight-fromcentral-casting moment that could have been scripted, although he denied it was.
But a very different view was expressed by Ann Higson, a pensioner who was taking her bulldog Henry for a walk. She was adamant nothing would persuade her to vote in the European election. “I wanted Brexit and that never happened, so why should I bother voting again?” she said. “I was brought up in a Labour household, but I wouldn’t touch them now. Whatever happened to the Monster Raving Loony Party?”
Rumour has it they are currently in government. But the time had come to focus on Verhofstadt again. If he cared so much about keeping the UK in Europe, why hadn’t he come three years ago, before the 2016 referendum, to save the day?
“I’m here now for the European elections,” he beamed, twinkling behind his cool Ray-ban glasses and tossing his ageing boyband hair. “Besides, isn’t there a song, It’s Never Too Late..?”
Yes, there is. But the Rolling Stones also wrote You Can’t Always Get What You Want and judging by the sceptical electorate it’s going to be too close to call. Even for a Belgian superstar.