It’s a tragedy that marriage has become so middle-class
Almost exactly 11 years ago, I walked down the aisle in the clichéd cloud of white silk to marry my husband. Just over a decade and three children later, and we’ve managed to remain in a state of marital union (the usual bickerings and everyday ups and downs notwithstanding), which, according to recent research, makes us quite the trendsetters. We just have make it through the next 40-odd years.
Analysis of official statistics by the Marriage Foundation think tank has found that newlyweds today are the least likely to divorce; only 35 per cent of those who marry this year are forecast to file for the decree nisi in their lifetime – the lowest potential rate since 1969.
This is great news, not just for them but for society as a whole. Being married is proved to make you happier and healthier: married people are less likely to suffer strokes, stress or heart attacks, while studies continue to show that marriage is good for mental health.
Children born in wedlock are 16 per cent less likely to receive benefits, even than those whose parents are well-off cohabitees. The cost of family breakdown, meanwhile, is £51 billion.
But does the decreasing rate of divorce hide an uncomfortable truth? The reality is, as social mores have loosened, marriage as a general trend is on the decline, along with teenage pregnancies – one of the main drivers of getting hitched in previous generations. Yes, it’s great that those saying “I do” are less likely to split up, but given that the most recent figures show that marriages (between men and women) have fallen to a record low, with the number of British babies born outside marriage hitting a record high as a consequence, it’s not a cause for unbridled celebration. Now, nobody
wants to go back to the days of yore, when, as the Marriage Foundation acknowledges, “couples who married . . . often did so because [of ] social and family pressure” before they were ready. But one result of the loosening of social conventions is that marriage is increasingly a middleclass pastime.
Research carried out a few years ago found that those who walk down the aisle tend to be the better off: 87 per cent of people earning over £43,000 a year marry, against only 24 per cent of those earning under £16,000. In other words, the rich get married and stay together; the poor simply don’t bother. Which means it’s the rich – and their children – who benefit from the better health, increased longevity and lower reliance on benefits that marriage brings.
That is why, ultimately, we need to champion marriage. And by that I mean marriage, not just big white weddings. (Another reason people often don’t bother tying the knot is the expense.)
It’s not fashionable to proclaim that making a lifetime commitment to somebody else is one of the things that most benefits society. We’re all too scared of offending the perennially single, lone mothers and cohabitees who look down on marriage as a patriarchal, repressive institution designed to subjugate women.
But if marriage makes life better statistically, then why not make a big fuss of it? It’s not always an easy option, as I can testify, 11 years in. But marriage is societal glue. If we – people and politicians alike – want to stick society back together, it’s not a bad place to start.