Allison Pearson Rating the runners, riders (and chancers) in the Tory leadership race
After the selfinflicted wound that was Theresa May, the party can’t afford to get it wrong again
Have you thought about standing to be the next Conservative Party leader? Come along, Marjorie – everyone else has thrown their hat in. Yesterday, Kit Malthouse became the 10th MP to put his name forward. What or who is Kit Malthouse? Sounds like a hot milky drink. Not inappropriate, I guess, given the complete and utter Horlicks that is the once-great Conservative and Unionist Party.
This is a serious contest in need of serious candidates. Tories are facing an extinction-level event. Three years after the referendum, the Brexit Party has convinced even the most loyal Conservatives to mutiny. Many are only hanging on to their membership cards to vote for the next leader and to stop Hammond, Rudd and other friends of Brussels enthroning their preferred candidate.
After the self-inflicted wound that was Theresa May, the party can’t afford to get it wrong again. No coronations. No hiding a lacklustre personality from the public until it’s too late. No EU sympathisers. No one who’s frit – a favourite word of a Grantham girl who would make a perfect leader of the Conservatives in this, its direst, hour.
At present, the Tory leadership race looks more like the Grand National than the Gold Cup, with a jumble of thoroughbreds, chancers and nags at the starting gate. Some will fall at the first fence. Others shouldn’t have entered in the first place, but are presumably jockeying for position in Cabinet. A few are still eyeing the field, wondering whether to saddle up.
What qualities will the winner need? Cast your minds back to 1996, when Tony Blair identified Mondeo Man as the voter a victorious New Labour must appeal to. In 2019, the new Tory leader must be able to bring Mick and Maureen from Mansfield on-board.
Labour voters but socially conservative, Mick and Maureen backed Brexit. Disgusted that we still haven’t left, they voted for Farage’s party last week. Weary of the Left’s identity politics, which seem to demonise most of the things they love about their country, Mick and Maureen could be persuaded to vote Tory at a general election. If, and only if, the Tories were the main party of Brexit.
With Tory Remainers switching to the Lib Dems, the Conservatives will need to make a passionate pitch to millions of families such as these. I don’t doubt that Maggie could have won them over (particularly as Farage will struggle to come up with a coherent manifesto for a party with candidates of such wildly varying politics). So, which candidates have the charisma and common sense to convert Mick and Maureen?
Jeremy Hunt
The European Elections sent out an incredibly strong message. It’s just that the Foreign Secretary doesn’t seem to have understood it. Yesterday, he said that a no-deal Brexit would be “Tory suicide”. Judging by the Brexit Party’s stunning success, from Redruth to Rochdale, the opposite could well be the case. (Puzzlingly, in December Hunt said that the UK would “flourish” and “prosper” under a WTO deal.) A Remainer, he converted, strategically, to Leave. Tainted by association with May’s calamity Cabinet, the former head of school at Charterhouse has a charming, soft-spoken bedside manner and would make an ideal leader… of the Liberal Democrats.
Mick and Maureen say: “Bloody hell, not another posh boy Oxford PPE w-----.” (Voter appeal: 3/10)
Sir Graham Brady
Best known for not being able to get rid of Theresa May (until Nigel Farage helpfully handed him a loaded gun), Sir Graham’s rumoured candidacy is a bit of a mystery. Perhaps he thinks all the other options are so compromised, he might just sneak through the middle? Known as “the most powerful Conservative no one’s ever heard of ”. Mick and Maureen say: “Graham who?” (1/10)
Sajid Javid
Superb back story. His bus driver father arrived in the UK in 1961 with £1 and lifted his family out of poverty by sheer hard work. Grew up on “Britain’s worst street”, couldn’t speak English when he started school, attended the local comp where the careers adviser suggested he become a TV repairman; became a successful banker. Shining example both of Muslim integration and social mobility. Believes the UK must leave the EU to “restore trust”, although supported May and her Withdrawal Agreement far too long for hardcore Brexiteers to have faith in him.
Mick and Maureen say: “He’s done well for himself, hasn’t he?” (6/10)
Michael Gove
The country is in crisis and Gove’s first campaign promise is to offer three million EU nationals free British passports. Either a clever, inclusive touch, or away with the fairies. A leader of the Leave campaign and a wonderful speaker, he has impeccable Brexit credentials. But, as manager of Boris’s 2016 leadership bid, he stabbed his friend in the front and announced he would run himself. Probably no coming back from that, at least as far as the Tory faithful are concerned. Celebrated for his delightful courtesy and a clever and effective minister, Gove was probably right the first time when he concluded that he is not the stuff of which prime ministers are made.
Mick and Maureen say: “Isn’t he the one what did Boris in?” (5/10)
Esther Mcvey
Passionate Brexiteer, controversial, hardline former work and pensions secretary and blue-collar Conservative, Mcvey boldly claimed recently that the Tories are now the party of the working class. Barnardo’s child, gutsy Northern businesswoman and former TV presenter, she is an excellent media performer with a salty wit and no-nonsense style. Blow-dry, not Wet. Quit the Cabinet with a damning and savage letter to the PM: “It’s obvious to everyone the Brexit deal doesn’t honour the referendum result.” This spirited filly may give the favourites a run for their money. Definitely not frit. Mick and Maureen say: “Speaks her mind. Great hair. Wouldn’t mind going down the pub with Esther.” (7/10)
Rory Stewart
The sort of Tory everyone likes except Tories. Deeply sincere Arabic speaker, Stewart embodies the wing of the party that comes up with evermore liberal policies in an attempt to win over sneering Lefties. An Etonian, but very much not the Boris kind. Last advocate standing for the Withdrawal Agreement. Roderick James Nugent Stewart seems to have a curiously naive idea of his ability to connect with the public: he went to KFC in Barking because he wanted “to talk to Leave voters”, looking like a neurasthenic missionary from the 19th century. One man he talked to said: “You’re the only Tory I’d vote for.” “Unfortunately,” said Stewart, “he was a Lib Dem.” Exactly. Mick and Maureen say: “Is he for real? Could do with a square meal.” (1/10)
Andrea Leadsom
Ardent Brexiteer Leadsom made it to the final two in the leadership contest last time, until she was taken down by a journalist who encouraged her to say she was a better candidate than Mrs May because she was a mum. The fact that Mrs May, an only child married to an only child and with no children, did, indeed, turn out to be a recessive oddball chronically incapable of making any emotional connection with the electorate, suggested that Leadsom was on to something. As Leader of the House, she showed remarkable, golden retriever loyalty. Finally lost patience and resigned when the PM slyly conceded a second referendum to Labour without telling the Cabinet. Doris Day’s civil-servant twin. Does not possess the guile or personality to mud-wrestle with Nigel Farage, but would make a superb running mate to a disorganised male. Mick and Maureen say: “Seems like a lovely lady. I like her necklace.” (6/10)
Matt Hancock
Positioning himself as Youthful Candidate of Hope and Unity. On June 19 2016, Hancock tweeted: “I want to live in a country that’s open, tolerant and kind. If you do too, vote Remain next Thursday ≠Strongerin”. Dear, oh dear. Tory members who are Leave voters will not like young Matt’s implication that they are unkind and intolerant. Oh, and they might prefer it if he called himself Matthew.
Mick and Maureen say: “Bit wet behind the ears. Nigel’d have him for lunch.” (1/10)
Dominic Raab
The 45-year-old former secretary for exiting the European Union has moved swiftly to the front of the field without being particularly well-known. He has only been an MP for Esher and Walton since 2010, but made an impression when he stormed out of the Brexit job after failing to persuade the PM to get on the front foot in the negotiations. He has the powerful patriotism of the outsider whose family Britain has welcomed (his paternal grandparents were Czech refugees and several of his father’s relatives were murdered at Auschwitz). The death of Raab’s father from cancer when he was 12 may have given him the drive to make things right, to reach the highest office. (Both John Major and Tony Blair lost their fathers around the same age.) Unlike most of his rivals, he went to a state school. While reading law at Oxford he captained the karate club and boxed. A cool customer with fire in his belly. Mick and Maureen say: “Seems good, but we’d need to know him better before we make up our mind.” (8/10)
Boris Johnson
Needs no introduction. Written off as a disorganised buffoon, but still the only Tory who reaches parts others cannot. A taxi driver told me the other day that he had the former foreign secretary in the back of the cab when he asked him to stop at an ATM. A crowd gathered in seconds and Boris was soon signing autographs. This does not happen to politicians. Rumours that Boris is going vegan, under the influence of his new girlfriend, added to his disappointingly well-behaved haircut and curious references in his column to “kindness” may give cause for concern. For all his faults, the party may yet take a risk on its clown prince, the persuader who can rival Farage for sheer shameless box office.
Mick and Maureen say: “BORISSSS!” (8/10)