Everyone is better without a screen – mums included
Satnavs are bad for the brain. The average adult spends 50 days a year online. Technology is a national obsession that is eroding everything we used to hold dear, from our friendships to our sex lives. Not to mention shopping.
Oh, and Coleen Rooney posted a photo of her three boys all together, but apart – each engrossed by a different screen. Burn the witch! But only if you’ve never once handed an iphone to your baby.
I’m in no position to criticise. My 10-year-old has had a very
rounded education thanks to ipad instruction. She can build a house (Roadblox, take a bow). She can handle a Mclaren (Extreme Driving app, we couldn’t have done it without ya). She can cook (Youtube, I hail your slime cupcake wisdom). And she can slay zombies (way to go, Fortnite).
It’s enough to keep her avatar alive in cyberspace. For everything else, there’s camping.
I’m just back from a few days’ rewilding in Epping Forest, formerly Henry VIII’S hunting grounds. I went with my
youngest and a girlfriend who brought her two younger girls.
There was no Wi-fi. I pretended there was no 3G, but in the event nobody wanted to miss an IRL moment. In case you are over 15, IRL means In Real Life, because otherwise it’s assumed that everything you are talking about is virtual.
While you’re getting your head around that one, let me reassure you that the use of satnavs and Google Maps might cause your hippocampus to shrink and increase your chances of Alzheimer’s, but at least they get you to your destination without screaming at the front seat passenger who has just spent 20 minutes guiding you while looking at the wrong page of the atlas.
But once we arrived, all the stress melted away. Yes, it rained and the tent leaked. But then it didn’t. Our phone batteries died. After a mild panic, it was a relief to lay them aside.
Our girls were transformed from online junkies to grassstained hoydens. They ate food out of plastic mugs.
They made a rope swing and smuggled a cat wearing a blue and white spotty bow tie into their sleeping bag.
Afterwards, we thanked them for making it such a fun trip. Without a screen, they were much better company, we added pointedly.
Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings came the reply: “So are Mummies.” Ouch.