Joe Burgis:
If Jacob Rees-mogg is right, we will reach Leave paradise – even if it does take us 1,000 years
When MPS rejected a timetable for debating the Withdrawal Agreement Bill, Jacob Rees-mogg denounced them for leaving Brexit in “purgatory”. But the good thing about purgatory is that you can get out of it; it isn’t like hell, which is forever, and it isn’t run by Northern Rail, which means that whatever trials you may face along the way, you can at least be certain of arriving at your destination.
It is a place for the purification of the soul. And what awaits is heaven, which the catechism of the Catholic Church describes as “the ultimate end and fulfilment of the deepest human longings, the state of supreme, definitive happiness,” i.e., an orderly departure from the European Union.
We should be pleased, then, that Brexit has reached this purification stage: theologically speaking, it is now a question of when, and not if. But what of the nature of the waiting? What will we be forced to endure before coming face to face with Brexit?
Both St Augustine (354–430) and Pope Gregory I (reigned 590–604) agreed that the question of salvation or damnation is settled the moment you die, which means there is no longer any doubt as to whether you will gain admittance to paradise; all that remains to be settled is the timetable, which, as Boris Johnson now knows, is not always straightforward.
Calculations by medieval theologians put the average amount of time spent in purgatory by sinners at 1,000-2,000 years, but there are in fact no official sentencing guidelines. Only God knows exactly how long the WAB needs to be scrutinised before it attains a state of purity.
What is generally agreed is that purgatory is hot. Among the passages from the New Testament cited in arguments in favour of a purification process after death is St Paul’s explanation to the Corinthians that “fire will test the quality of each person’s work”; we can be saved if the work burns, but “only as one escaping through the flames”. St Augustine speaks of the pain that purgatorial fire causes as being more severe than anything a person can suffer in this life – though, of course, he never saw Theresa May dance.
In a vision, St Maria Faustina was taken to purgatory by her guardian angel. It was “a misty place full of fire”, and the greatest torment of the sinners was not that caused by the flames, but by the longing for God. Thereafter she became committed to getting redemption done, and devoted herself to praying for holy souls.
St Catherine of Genoa cared for those with bubonic plague. “No tongue can tell nor explain, no mind understand, the grievousness of purgatory,” she said. The pain of purgatory is caused by knowledge of the part one played in landing oneself there; it’s having to support a programme motion even though you introduced an amendment to withhold approval of the WAB in the first place; it’s being reminded again and again that you’re David Cameron.
It seems ever more shocking that the subject of Ireland was hardly mentioned during the referendum, given that the Lord forewarned us of the problems ahead: he appeared to St Patrick in the fifth century in County Donegal, not far from the Irish border, and led him to a cave, which was also an entrance to purgatory. This was useful for St Patrick, who could bring reluctant converts to the place, from where both heaven and hell could be viewed, and show them that nothing – not even regulatory alignment – could spare them from damnation, except following Christ.
While we can’t know exactly how long purgatory will last, there are things that can be done to reduce the time spent there. An indulgence can be obtained. A plenary indulgence eliminates all the time owed for certain sins, while a partial indulgence commutes only a part of the penalty. They will only work, however, if Remainers are sincere in their repentance. They can no longer be bought, as Pope Pius V abolished the sale of indulgences in 1567. Charitable works or acts of penance can help you get one, while second referendums are thought to be ineffective.
There is hope for Brexit. Purgatory is a step forward. Parliament’s backing of Mr Johnson’s deal means that we can begin to imagine an end to the torture, and perhaps this happy thought will help us ride out the infernos ahead.