The 50p Brexit coins aren’t the only things in meltdown...

Until this week, I thought I was following Brexit. I really did. I’ve become a connoisseur of EU stratagems and Katya Adler’s scarves. I’ve got my head around the Meaningful Votes (invariably meaningless). But the 50p Brexit commemorative coins are being melted down. They’re not the only ones in meltdown…

 Jeremy Corbyn says he wants an election, but only when no deal is off the table. But the only way no deal is off the table is if Jeremy wins an election, and he won’t support an election until no deal is off the table. Or unless he revokes Article 50, which is a bit undemocratic, frankly.

Jo Swinson is happy to make “revoke” a Lib Dem policy because, luckily, Jo doesn’t agree with democracy. Which makes things a whole lot easier. She used to want a second referendum, but then she admitted that if Leave won again, she wouldn’t accept the result. We could go on having referendums until the stupid people finally agree with Jo, or until the only part of the UK not in civil war is the Isle of Wight.

 Labour’s Owen Smith told Newsnight that his party was doing very well “because we’re still in the EU”. Even though, confusingly, Owen stood on a manifesto that committed his party to leaving. The problem with having a general election, he said, was that Boris and his “hard-right” Tories might win and the sneaky b------- would try to deliver Brexit. Emily Maitlis pointed out that elected governments being allowed to implement policies people had voted for was kind of how our democratic system worked.

 The SNP’S Ian Blackford objected to voters being required to vote in December when it’s cold and dark. The man’s Scottish! They only have three hours of daylight. Wear a coat, man!

Is it any wonder I’m exhausted, furious and losing hope? Imagine what it’s like for those who know what’s happening. Forget concerns about an election in dark December. Millions of us would crawl over broken glass to vote to teach that disgraceful, obstructionist bunch a lesson.