How to throw a Rubgy World Cup brunch party
It’s an early start when England take on South Africa tomorrow, but Michael Hogan has a timetable of tips to keep you on winning form
England are 80 minutes away from becoming rugby world champions for only the second time, with notoriously tough two-time winners South Africa standing in our way. Bulldogs beating Springboks would complete an unprecedented triple World Cup-winning year, following our women and men’s cricket successes this summer. The only slight snag is the kick-off time, 9am, while TV coverage starts at 7am. Plenty of pubs are opening early, but many fans will throw viewing parties at home. With such an early start, though, there’s a very real risk of oversleeping, overindulging or having a deeply undignified hangover by half-time.
To prevent such disasters, here’s our handy schedule to help you get the most out of the occasion…
This afternoon
Repress that TGIF feeling and delay #wineoclock for as long as possible, because now is the time for shopping and preparation.
Dig out any bunting, flags or other patriotic finery you might have shoved in a cupboard after previous events (or hit Amazon Prime pronto, see sidebar). Make sure your Rugby World Cup wallchart is filled in and prominently positioned. Arrange seating in readiness. Most importantly, brave the supermarket scrum to stock up on drinks, nibbles and more substantial grub (more on that in a moment).
Beer is essential for rugby, so go native with Japanese brands – not only eminently quaffable, but the country’s stringent purity laws mean zero chemicals, hence hangovers will be minimised. Names to look out for include Sapporo, Hitachino, Kirin, Asahi and Yebisu. The Japanese also make excellent whisky, but sipping that in the morning might be a bit “gentleman of the street”.
This evening
You’ll be up at silly o’clock tomorrow, so get an early night. Lights out by 10pm to settle those pre-match butterflies and get a good night’s kip, dreaming of oddly-shaped balls.
Saturday, 6am
Up and at ’em. Those cauliflowereared rucks and muddy-kneed mauls won’t form themselves.
Strong coffee and a hot shower are your first priorities. You need to wake those partying muscles and warm up those vocal chords. Hydrate with a pint of water. Take vitamins. Your body is a slightly dilapidated Japanese temple.
6.30am
Breakfast is always the most important meal of the day, as mother told you, but that goes double today so start cooking up something hearty. You’ll be grateful for it later. A full English fry-up (how patriotic), steak ’n’ eggs, scrambled eggs with smoked salmon… This is the area of the pitch in which we want to be working. Stomach-lining and proteinpacked. Have BBC Radio 5 Live, aka Bloke FM, burbling in the background as you cook to hear Sonja Mclaughlan and Matt Dawson look ahead to the final. Today’s interminable elections droning can take a day off.
7am
Build-up begins on ITV, so tuck into your breakfast-of-world-champions in front of the telly. At Yokohama stadium, presenter Mark Pougatch and a panel of thick-necked pundits will begin the tactical geekery, punctuated by stirring action montages. Fans in the stadium will already be clutching mouthwatering pints, but remember it’s 4pm there. Resist the temptation to join in. You don’t want to peak too early.
7.30am
Tell any guests to arrive now, ensuring plenty of time to settle in and get smalltalk out of the way before kick-off. Then you won’t have to aggressively shush them to hear what referee Jérôme Garcès is saying to his video assistant.
Similarly, them tucking straight into the booze might not be the wisest idea, so have tea, coffee and bacon sandwiches to offer around.
8am
An hour until kick-off and you’ll be tempted to settle those pre-match jitters with a drink. Fine for guests, but hosts should hold back. Busy yourself putting up flags and bunting, tidying away and serving. Hold the line until the rising sun is over the yardarm. Which is 8.20am today, we reckon.
8.20am
“Airport rules” apply for your first drink, which should be fizz, beer or a Bloody Mary. Ensure you keep at least one bottle of champagne back for, hopefully, celebratory purposes later.
You’ll be tempted to graze, but steer clear of crisps, nuts, olives and Twiglets. Too salty, meaning you’ll drink faster – fine for after dark, but to be avoided in the morning. For accompanying snacks, instead opt for the likes of sausages, Scotch eggs, toasted cream cheese bagels or more bacon sandwiches.
8.50am
Charge your glasses and take your seats, as the TV coverage goes pitchside. Keep the atmosphere subdued to observe a minute’s silence for victims of Typhoon Hagibis, then stand for the national anthems.
Things to say as the camera pans down the teams: “Look at the size of him!” (Springbok prop Tendai “The Beast” Mtawarira), “He’s a little one!” (Springbok scrum-half Faf de Klerk) and “He’s had his highlights done specially!” (De Klerk again).
No haka to join in with, since we knocked New Zealand out last weekend, so make do with spotting Prince Harry in the crowd.
9am
Kick-off time. You are officially allowed a lusty chorus of Swing Low, Sweet Chariot or its boozy remix, “Swig low, sweet carry-out.”
However, stick to a maximum of two drinks per half and keep food circulating. Wouldn’t want you stretchered off the field of play.
9.50am
Half-time. Use the 10-minute break for a loo trip (nervy business, this elite sport) and pop the kettle on for tea and coffee.
Crisps, nuts, olives and Twiglets can now be broken open, although be warned: respect the kicker, so no loud crunching when Owen Farrell or George Ford is about to punt for the posts.
10am
The second half gets under way. Bite nails. Keep glasses topped up. Send out any rugby refuseniks for more supplies if required.
10.55am
The full-time whistle goes. Leap into wild celebrations or consolatory hugs, as appropriate.
If England win…
Pop the cork on that bottle you cleverly kept in reserve and toast our brave boys as they lift the William Webb Ellis Trophy.
Forget pacing yourself now, it’s bottomless brunch o’clock. Although schedule in a restorative afternoon nap or you might not make it to Strictly at 7pm.
If England lose…
Drown your sorrows by draining your drink, shooing out your guests and going back to bed. Never liked rugby anyway.