A new House of Lords should open in York in the year 4000

According to a Sunday newspaper, the Government is weighing up a plan to move the House of Lords to York. An interesting idea. But not without its challenges.

The annual State Opening of Parliament, for example, might prove tricky, given that it requires MPS to walk from the Commons to the Lords, in order to attend Her Majesty.

Provided that MPS were able to maintain an average walking speed of three miles an hour, while forgoing unnecessary hold-ups (for instance, meals and sleep), the journey to York would take them a little over 69 hours, or just shy of three days. Upon arrival, they would listen to the Queen’s Speech – typically about 15 minutes in length – before turning immediately round, and embarking upon the walk back. All being well, they should expect to re-enter the Commons roughly a week after setting out.

Inevitably, the proposed move has caused quite a stir in Westminster.

Yesterday afternoon, members of the Upper House were anxious for further information. Responding for the Government, Earl Howe insisted that nothing had yet been decided. This, however, did little to reassure their lordships.

“Can my noble lord confirm,” scowled Baroness Smith of Basildon, “that this announcement comes from the same policy brain that came up with ‘bung a bob for a Big Ben bong?’” Lord Forsyth of Drumlean – formerly known as Michael Forsyth, a Cabinet minister under John Major – seemed similarly unconvinced.

“When people in the North lent their votes to the Conservative Party,” he inquired drily, “was it because they were longing for more politicians to be sent their way?”

Other peers put forward alternative proposals, to which Earl Howe listened with exemplary politeness. The Lord Bishop of Chelmsford informed him that, when he takes up his new role as Archbishop of York this summer, he will have at his disposal “a large garden, where a suitable marquee could be erected for our purposes”.

Earl Howe thanked him for his kind offer. Lord Kirkhope of Harrogate declared that, while he would be happy with a move to York, he believed the Commons should relocate too. “In the interests of national unity,” he said, “perhaps to Edinburgh, or Glasgow? I felt sure that all sorts of useful ideas would emerge from this debate,” replied Earl Howe.

Meanwhile Lord West of Spithead, a former admiral in the Royal Navy, suggested that their lordships relocate to a cruise ship, so that they could visit all parts of the United Kingdom, or at least its coastal towns.

“The noble lord puts forward an extremely imaginative idea,” replied Earl Howe, “which I’m sure will be listened to.”

Still, whatever the final decision, their lordships probably needn’t worry too much at present. These days, ambitious government plans are generally slow to get off the ground. If HS2 is anything to go by, the new Upper House should open in York some time around the year 4000.