I WAS A TRADWIFE – AND PEOPLE WERE BRUTAL

SBY POLLY PHILLIPS taring at the smouldering black remains of the ruined birthday cake I’ve just attempted to make for my daughter’s sixth birthday, I can’t help reflecting that I’m a rather unusual candidate for the “tradwife” movement. I can’t cook, sew or iron either. Yet I happily eschewed my job as an insurance broker in the City to take on the role of primary caregiver when my daughter was born.

In an article for this newspaper in 2015, I argued for the idea of a wife bonus, because running a home while your spouse goes out to work is the equivalent of a full-time job. The reaction was brutal. Everything from the state of my marriage to my appearance came under attack.

Like the women spearheading today’s “tradwife” movement, I was accused of betraying the feminist cause, even though I believe giving women the freedom to choose how and if they want to work is one of the founding principles of feminism.

Certain family members told me I was wasting my education and questioned the example I was setting for my daughter, while friends who were working parents made it clear I couldn’t possibly relate to the pressures they faced.

But, I’m proud of the choice I made. For me, it was important to be present for my daughter’s early years in a way that combining a demanding job with motherhood would not have allowed. I was lucky that my husband appreciated the role I played and acknowledged that my taking the lion’s share of responsibility at home facilitated his ability to do his job well.

While being my version of a traditional wife – albeit one with limited domestic abilities – worked for our family, I have since moved on. Now my daughter is at primary school, I’m combining writing my first novel with working as a part-time teaching assistant at her school.

I don’t see that as abandoning the “tradwife” values of investing in your family and prioritising your home life. Instead, I hope it demonstrates there are plenty of ways to be a wife and a mother. The important thing is that women get to choose their own.