These kings of bling deserve to be TV stars
Trotters Jewellers doesn’t look much from the outside. A tatty shopfront on Bethnal Green Road in London’s East End, it’s a long way from Monte Carlo. Inside, though, it’s bling-tastic. This is the place for you if you’re lusting after a £100,000 “chandelier watch”, which started life as an understated Audemars Piguet but has been pimped up with 100 carats’ worth of baguette diamonds. Crème de la menthe, Rodney.
Diamond Dealers and Cockney Geezers (Channel 4) followed owner Judd and his friends, Alex and Kallum, a trio of Essex boys who would be equally at home on Love Island. They are clearly business savvy. They’ve turned this tiny shop inherited from Judd’s father into a gold mine – pardon the pun – with 250,000 Instagram followers. That’s how things are done now. They stick a picture of a watch on social media and the customers roll in.
Zara and her husband were down from Bradford for the day, looking for a £1,000 present for their son’s birthday. He was turning two. They left with a bracelet and a selfie. Then there was Essex couple Ashley and Ashley, he with fluorescent teeth, looking for a love token. Ashley (the girlfriend) was back in not long afterwards, flogging the jewellery back because they’d split up. And then there was Radley, a 21-year-old builder treating himself to a new watch for £12,000. He’d probably have been turned away from a jewellers in Knightsbridge or Mayfair on account of his scruffy clothes. But Trotters like to call themselves “the people’s jewellers”. Working-class customers make up the majority of their clientele, but they also boast Lily Allen, Russell Brand, Bernie Ecclestone and various sports stars. People used to be discreet about their wealth, they explained. Now, fuelled by US rappers dripping in diamonds, it’s all about flaunting it.
Judd may have been the brains of the operation but Alex was the mouth, and loved playing up to the cameras. “What you walking like that for?’ teased a local trader as Alex swaggered around with the camera crew in tow. Like other Channel 4 shows of this type – Tattoo Fixers springs to mind – the customers had clearly been prepped before they walked through the door, and the voice-over from Dani Dyer was a little grating. But the boys were likeable and this was way more fun than those deathly documentaries going behind the scenes of high-end department stores. It’s down as a one-off, but expect this to become a full series.
One of the major storylines in the last series of Cold Feet (ITV) was Jenny (Fay Ripley) being diagnosed with breast cancer. The show returned last week with the news that she was in remission. Hurrah! That’s done and dusted, let’s move on to the next plot, shall we?
But Mike Bullen’s writing is more honest than that. He knows we’ve spent 20-odd years with these characters, on and off, and we want them to behave like recognisable human beings. Jenny put on a brave face for family and friends, aware that everyone expects her to be moving on. “I’m Jenny 2.0 now, remember? I could drink champagne from a shoe if I wanted,” she told her mother, when asked how she was spending her day.
Privately, though, in scenes well-handled by Ripley, Jenny isn’t fine. In an imagined conversation with her late “cancer buddy” Charlie (Ivanno Jeremiah), she said: “Everyone thinks I’m ok, everyone thinks it’s over, that it ended with my final treatment and all I need do is grow back my flippin’ hair and celebrate being alive.” Her description of feeling lost and depressed – “the fear has come back but the anger hasn’t” – will doubtless resonate with many people.
Elsewhere, David (Robert Bathurst) has found a new lease of life running a cafe in a floral pinny. Karen and Adam (Hermione Norris and James Nesbitt) have an assortment of teenage children and Karen’s annoying mother crammed into the house. Well, I say crammed, but I spend most of Cold Feet marvelling at how spacious their homes are. Pete (John Thomson) is so proud to be doing jury service that he turned up carrying a briefcase; his fellow jurors were less than impressed.
And then, a shock. Adam popped in to court to watch proceedings and recognised Laura, the defendant. In 2001, Laura was a girl whom Adam and his then partner, Rachel (Helen Baxendale), were hoping to adopt. Then Rachel got pregnant, and the adoption service said a home with a new baby would not be the right environment for an adoptee. Now she’s about to come back into Adam’s life.
Diamond Dealers and Cockney Geezers ★★★
Cold Feet ★★★★