‘Eventually, I forgave my estranged father – and I’m glad I did’

When I heard that Thomas Markle doesn’t expect to see his daughter again before he dies, I couldn’t help wondering if my own father had once thought the same thing.

Like Meghan, I was estranged from my father. For all of my twenties and most of my thirties, I barely saw him.

Yet, as a child, I had worshipped him. In fact, in the Seventies my dad, with his black hair and green eyes, seemed like the most handsome man in the world. A musician, he’d travel to far-flung places and bring me back mad, glamorous presents.

But he was also eccentric and difficult and, as a sensitive child, I often felt embarrassed by his loud opinions, his obsessive nature, his temper and complete lack of tact. He was also often angry at my mother. My parents’ marriage ended when I was a teenager and I was relieved. I didn’t speak to my father, but I didn’t forget him. He didn’t forget me, either. I later discovered he collected every article I wrote.

In 1999, I heard that my father, like Thomas Markle, had suffered a heart attack, and I realised that if he died without some kind of reconciliation, I might never really get over it. I visited him in hospital, taking along my future husband. But I wasn’t ready to let him back into my life. When I married in 2000, I walked myself up the “aisle” of a country house drawing room.

Then, in 2001, aged 38, I had my first child. I wanted him to know his grandfather and, more than that, I wanted my father to meet his only grandchild. When my daughter was born in 2005, he met her, too.

But in 2006 I got the shocking news that my father had been killed when his car was hit by a drunk driver. My grief took me utterly by surprise. As the shock faded, I realised how much worse it would have been if we had not reconciled, however awkwardly and briefly. I was able to go to his packed funeral, which was followed by a joyful wake full of music and reminiscence. Pictures of him are now on my mantlepiece alongside those of the rest of my family.

Every family is different and, right now, it is impossible to imagine Meghan and her flawed, furious father ever forgiving each other. All I know is that I am glad that I don’t have to live with the pain and regret I’m sure I would have suffered had I not made the decision to let my own imperfect father into my life again.