Sorry, Remainers, but we fought for Brexit – we deserve a party

‘The blameless Brexit 50p has become an unlikely casus belli for sore losers’

Third time lucky: three million commemorative 50 pence coins (inset) will enter circulation on Brexit day, Jan 31

How dare he? I mean, why would Michael Heseltine and other prominent Remainers presume to prescribe how we choose to mark the United Kingdom leaving the European Union on Friday? The former Conservative deputy prime minister turned Lib Dem supporter says it would be unwise of the Government “to rub our noses in it by celebrating our defeat at this hour, while talking about unifying the country”.

Hmmm. I get the distinct impression that Lord Heseltine and his fellow federalist fanatics would prefer it if we didn’t mention this historic occasion at all.

First, allowing Big Ben to bong symbolically at 11pm was ruled out for being too expensive. A clanging £500,000 was one estimate, a figure that grew even more absurd than that projection about how many would lose their jobs should we be stupid enough to vote Leave. Remember George Osborne warning us that backing Brexit would cause unemployment to rise by up to 500,000 within two years? Turns out Gypsy Rose George was talking crystal balls. Last week, the UK employment rate achieved a record high of 76.3 per cent. Have I missed the apology for getting that so embarrassingly wrong?

Apparently, it’s not enough for unrepentant, hardcore Remainers to drizzle and grizzle on our parade. They want to pop the balloons, burn the cupcakes and bitch about the specially minted 50p coin which borrows the American phrase: “Peace, prosperity and friendship with all nations.”

Nothing to quarrel about there, surely? No crude triumphalism. No “Junk the Juncker!” No “Adieu to EU and EU and EU!” (tempting though that Sound of Music quotation might be after the disgraceful way Brussels has behaved). No V-sign and Boris Rampant on the reverse side, unfortunately.

“Peace, prosperity and friendship with all nations” is a bit feel-good, corporate bleurgh for my liking. The land of William Shakespeare could have coined something more resonant. But at least it sets the right, friendly tone for Britain’s future as an independent nation. Much more polite, for example, than “B------- to Brexit”, which the party Lord Heseltine supported at the last election thought was a suitable riposte to 17.4million voters. Personally, I’d say that counted as rubbing people’s noses in it. Or is it only Remainers who deserve to be treated with tact and consideration?

Anyway, the blameless Brexit 50p, a third attempt after prototypes were melted down or recycled when both the March 29 and October 31 deadlines were missed, has become an unlikely

casus belli for sore losers. While Lord Adonis and Alastair Campbell act like a pair of stroppy teenagers, saying they will refuse to use or accept the coin, the novelist Philip Pullman claims that its motto is missing an Oxford comma “and should be boycotted by all literate people”.

Unwittingly, Pullman has provided a perfect illustration of why the British people refused to give up on Brexit, despite more than three years of finger-wagging lectures and cunning stratagems from their “literate” betters: the Oxford comma can be included before the final “and” in a list, although most writers would only use it to avoid ambiguity. According to a Yougov poll, 58 per cent of Britons prefer not to use an Oxford comma against the 26 per cent who do. That sounds like a clear majority to me, but don’t rule out the stuck-up blighters demanding a People’s Punctuation Vote.

The truth is such Brexit celebrations as are planned are muted to the point of defensiveness. There is nothing on the scale of the festivities Ted Heath’s government threw when we entered the European Economic Community in January 1973. Back then, nobody seemed to think they should tiptoe on eggshells because 50.6 per cent of people said they were “unhappy” about joining. The right people had won, that was what mattered. Cue 10 days of taxpayer-funded revelry, including a banquet for the great and the gleeful at Hampton Court.

By contrast, the only significant public party taking place this Friday night is the one in Parliament Square, and that had to be arranged by Nigel Farage. The Government will project the Union flag on to a few buildings, and there will be a clock countdown in Downing Street, otherwise it’s behaving as if the disappointment of Remainers counts for more than the happiness and excitement of those of us who voted to leave.

In situations where there were strong feelings on both sides, my English teacher, a wise woman, used to quote George Eliot, who advised that you should always give priority to the “important emotion”. It seems to me that the important emotion on Friday should be pride in the fact that, faced with a bullying Brussels and a bitter rearguard action from the Civil Service, most members of Parliament, the BBC, the judiciary, the CBI and Gina Miller, the British people stubbornly insisted that the result of the biggest democratic vote in our history should be honoured.

To mark our departure from the EU, tomorrow I will be attending a dinner for people in the media who backed Brexit (a small but valiant platoon). On Friday, I’m having a slap-up lunch with a few women friends who became “social pariahs” after admitting they voted differently from their tribe. They say that with a smile, but it’s been pretty awful at times.

Very often, we who represent the majority have felt like the Resistance in our own land. I joked with the novelist Lionel Shriver that, if the media Brexit dinner flagged, we could always read out our death threats from Remainer trolls. Shriver said that she could contribute elaborate emails from people explaining why they were terminating long friendships. Ouch.

So, on Friday, we want to savour the moment, if that’s all right with you, Lord Heseltine. Ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glass to freedom, unity, (Oxford comma) and to us.