Don’t fret about breast size – it’s really no biggie

Apparently, there’s another “serious public health concern” for us to worry about, as if the coronavirus crisis wasn’t enough. Here goes. Three out of four women are unhappy about the size of their breasts. Terrifying, right?

According to the Breast Size Satisfaction Survey, which carried out the research, it’s a biggie. Or, more often than not, a smallie.

A survey of 18,541 individuals in 40 countries revealed that 56 per cent of British women wanted them larger, and 19 per cent wanted them reduced.

To coin a phrase: and your point is, caller? It’s the sort of meaningless revelation that is swapped in the ladies’ at nightclubs or when your book group has had too many wines.

The study showed dissatisfaction was marginally higher in Britain than elsewhere. Is that a surprise? Mild self-loathing is pretty much the default position of the average British woman – if it weren’t, we’d be French.

How boob envy became elevated to the realm of a public health concern defeats me, but the findings allegedly show that women unhappy about their breasts are less likely to self-examine for lumps and changes associated with cancer. I’m not sure that constitutes a causal link, but I fear it’s the very definition of sexed-up science that feeds into our deepest insecurities.

The received wisdom is that flat-chested women look great in high fashion, while the big-breasted struggle to find a good fit.

Then again, plump embonpoints are generally deemed sexier than slim physiques, so… there’s something for everyone to complain about!

When will we just accept our bodies and celebrate what they can do rather than how they look? Health is our greatest wealth, and fretting about the shape and size of our breasts is fatuous.

Ask women how they feel about their rears and it’s a fair bet that our rumps don’t come up trumps, either.

I wish there was an antidote to this demoralising discontentment. The secret of serenity resides in gratitude not an ongoing quest for perfection.